The Great Divorce

C. S. Lewis wrote a book called The Great Divorce to show the differences between Heaven and Hell. In this fantasy, people take a day trip to the bright borders of heaven. Because Heaven is so real, the people appear as ghosts next to the solidity of heaven and heaven's residents. Heaven's grass even hurts their feet! The following is a passage on lust from The Great Divorce (pp. 98-103). It is an insightful look at how lust consumes us and how difficult it is to deal radically with sexual sin. But the passage also shows how once desire is conquered, it can become a great power to lead us higher into Heaven.

I saw coming towards us a Ghost who carried something on his shoulder. Like all the Ghosts, he was unsubstantial, but they differed from one another as smokes differ. Some had been whitish; this one was dark and oily. What sat on his shoulder was a little red lizard, and it was twitching its tail like a whip and whispering things in his ear. As we caught sight of him he turned his head to the reptile with a snarl of impatience. "Shut up, I tell you!" he said. It wagged its tail and continued to whisper to him. He ceased snarling, and presently began to smile. Then be turned and started to limp westward, away from the mountains.

"Off so soon?" said a voice.

The speaker was more or less human in shape but larger than a man, and so bright that I could hardly look at him. His presence smote on my eyes and on my body too (for there was heat coming from him as well as light) like the morning sun at the beginning of a tyrannous summer day.

"Yes. I'm off," said the Ghost. "Thanks for all your hospitality. But it's no good, you see. I told this little chap," (here he indicated the lizard), "that he'd have to be quiet if he came -which he insisted on doing. Of course his stuff won't do here: I realise that. But he won't stop. I shall just have to go home."

'Would you like me to make him quiet?" said the flaming Spirit-an angel, as I now understood.

"Of course I would," said the Ghost.

"Then I will kill him," said the Angel, taking a step forward.

"Oh-ah-look out! You're burning me. Keep away," said the Ghost, retreating.

"Don't you want him killed?"

"You didn't say anything about killing him at first. I hardly meant to bother you with anything so drastic as that."

"It's the only way," said the Angel, whose burning hands were now very close to the lizard. "Shall I kill it?"

"Well, that's a further question. I'm quite open to consider it, but it's a new point, isn't it? I mean, for the moment I was only thinking about silencing it because up here-well, it's so damned embarrassing."

"May I kill it?"

"Well, there's time to discuss that later."

"There is no time. May I kill it?"

"Please, I never meant to be such a nuisance. Please-really-don't bother. Look! It's gone to sleep of its own accord. I'm sure it'll be all right now. Thanks ever so much."

"May I kill it?"

"Honestly, I don't think there's the slightest necessity for that. I'm sure I shall be able to keep it in order now. I think the gradual process would be far better than killing it."

"The gradual process is of no use at all."

"Don't you think so? Well, I'll think over what you've said very carefully. I honestly will. In fact I'd let you kill it now, but as a matter of fact I'm not feeling frightfully well to-day. It would be silly to do it now. I'd need to be in good health for the operation. Some other day, perhaps."

"There is no other day. All days are present now."

"Get back! You're burning me. How can I tell you to kill it? You'd kill me if you did."

"It is not so."

"Why, you're hurting me now."

"I never said it wouldn't hurt you. I said it wouldn't kill you."

"Oh, I know. You think I'm a coward. But it isn't that. Really it isn't. I say! Let me run back by tonight's bus and get an opinion from my own doctor. I'll come again the first moment I can."

"This moment contains all moments."

"Why are you torturing me? You are jeering at me. How can I let you tear me to pieces? If you wanted to help me, why didn't you kill the damned thing without asking me--before I knew? It would be all over by now if you had."

"I cannot kill it against your will. It is impossible. Have I your permission?"

The Angel's hands were almost closed on the Lizard, but not quite. Then the Lizard began chattering to the Ghost so loud that even I could hear what it was saying.

"Be careful," it said. "He can do what he says. He can kill me. One fatal word from you and he will! Then you'll be without me for ever and ever. It's not natural. How could you live? You'd be only a sort of ghost, not a real man as you are now. He doesn't understand. He's only a cold, bloodless abstract thing. It may be natural for him, but it isn't for us. Yes, yes. I know there are no real pleasures now, only dreams. But aren't they better than nothing? And I'll be so good. I admit I've sometimes gone too far in the past, but I promise I won't do it again. I'll give you nothing but really nice dreams--all sweet and fresh and almost innocent. You might say, quite innocent .... "

"Have I your permission?" said the Angel to the Ghost.

"I know it will kill me."

"It won't. But supposing it did?"

"You're right. It would be better to be dead than to live with this creature."

"Then I may?"

"Damn and blast you! Go on can't you? Get it over. Do what you like," bellowed the Ghost: but ended, whimpering, "God help me. God help me."

Next moment the Ghost gave a scream of agony such as I never heard on Earth. The Burning One closed his crimson grip on the reptile: twisted it, while it bit and writhed, and then flung it, broken backed, on the turf.

"Ow! That’s done for me," gasped the Ghost, reeling backwards.

For a moment I could make out nothing distinctly. Then I saw, between me and the nearest bush, unmistakably solid but growing every moment solider, the upper arm and the shoulder of a man. Then, brighter still and stronger, the legs and hands. The neck and golden head materialised while I watched, and if my attention had not wavered I should have seen the actual completing of a man--an immense man, naked, not much smaller than the Angel. What distracted me was the fact that at the same moment something seemed to be happening to the Lizard. At first I thought the operation had failed. So far from dying, the creature was still struggling and even growing bigger as it struggled. And as it grew it changed. Its hinder parts grew rounder. The tail, still flickering, became a tail of hair that flickered between huge and glossy buttocks. Suddenly I started back, rubbing my eyes. What stood before me was the greatest stallion I have ever seen, silvery white but with mane and tail of gold. It was smooth and shining, rippled with swells of flesh and muscle, whinneying and stamping with its hoofs. At each stamp the land shook and the trees dindled.

The new-made man turned and clapped the new horse’s neck. It nosed his bright body. Horse and master breathed each into the other’s nostrils. The man turned from it, flung himself at the feet of the Burning One, and embraced them. When he rose I thought his face shone with tears, but it may have been only the liquid love and brightness (one cannot distinguish them in that country) which flowed from him. I had not long to think about it. In joyous haste the young man leaped upon the horse’s back. Turning in his seat he waved a farewell, then nudged the stallion with his heels. They were off before I well knew what was happening. There was riding if you like! I came out as quickly as I could from among the bushes to follow them with my eyes; but already they were only like a shooting star far off on the green plain, and soon among the foothills of the mountains. Then, still like a star, I saw them winding up, scaling what seemed impossible steeps, and quicker every moment, till near the dim brow of the landscape, so high that I must strain my neck to see them, they vanished, bright themselves, into the rose-brightness of that everlasting morning.

Why I believe in Jesus....

This is one of those stream of consciousness ramblings, you have been warned.....

So tonight I'm getting ready for leading discussion in house church tomorrow night. We are starting a study on "What does a healthy house church look like?" The first week is about how Christ is the foundation. It looks like a good study, but as I start into it I'm asking myself, why do I want Christ to be the foundation? Why I do I believe in Jesus and trust what He is telling me about what life is supposed to look like? So I guess this is just me looking back and taking some time to examine why I believe what I believe.

I guess the starting place is that I look around and see that this world is jacked up. Really jacked up. I read and hear stories every day about how a terrorist blew some innocent people up, children are dying in Africa because of lack of water, a guy watches his girlfriend get raped while he lies helpless to do anything, and criminals go free because they happen to have a lot of money. I find myself treated unfairly at work, every time I think I'm getting ahead something goes wrong, and people stab me in the back. Then I have to take a honest look at myself and admit that I'm a selfish person. I prefer to have a new toy rather than help someone in need. I don't want to have pointed out at work that I did something wrong, so I yell at my boss that he did something wrong that was the reason I did something wrong. I hurt people I care about because I can be a jerk sometimes. I get upset with people because they don't meet my expectations, but then I leave them hanging when I need some help. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I'm just as much a problem in this world as anyone else. And I don't seem to be doing a very good job of fixing myself, let alone fixing anyone else. Finally, I know that none of us are getting out of this world alive. Some day the end is going to come, and I don't really know what happens after that.

So after that happy thought, what do I look to for hope? The government doesn't seem to be doing a very good job of fixing things, all they seem to do is make it worse. Sending people off to die in some foreign land, for what reason? All we seem to be doing is giving those people a really good reason to try to blow us up. I've been working on fixing myself, I'm not doing very well. I couldn't even get myself to go to the gym to work out tonight. None of the self help books seem to do much, otherwise they would stop writing new ones and everyone in this world would be fixed. And then there is organized religion, the worst one of all. How many horrible things in this world have happened because of religion. How many millions have died? How many people have been beat down and trampled on? How many people walk through every day of life hating themselves because of religion? I have a hatred for Christian TV, that's as fake as it gets. I can't stand Christian culture. I like a few Christian bands, but most of them feel so made up. I have this awesome quote from Bono about how God loves Truth, and because of that He would rather go to a Nine Inch Nails concert than a Christian concert, because at least they are being honest. Now I'm not saying that all people in Christian bands are bad people, but how many of them are being honest? I'm sure Chris Tomlin has to have a bad day sometimes and Matt Redmond has to have the days when he's not feeling so confident. If not, I want some of what they are smoking. I'm a firm believer of separation of Church and state. First of all, it's in the Bible. When the nation of Israel was set up, God made the tribe of Levi the priests and the tribe of Judah the rulers. He did it to protect the Church from power that corrupts, but we see how well that worked. I hear people make naive statements like "we need to return to the values of our forefathers who founded are nation." What, the values of genocide, slavery, and greed? We slaughtered the native Americans, stole their land, and used the slaves we stole from Africa to do all the hard work of making money. Don't get me wrong, I like living in America. But I think aiming for those kinds values is kinda aiming low for improving life. Plus I think if this country is a democracy, if the majority of the people don't want to live by the rules of the Moral Majority then they shouldn't have to. Religion is an ugly thing and in the history of the world every time a religion has been in power, it has done terrible things.

So if I'm not a fan of religion, why do I believe in Jesus? A few years ago I went through a real searching of what I believed. Beyond all the mess of the world, I saw that I was not a good person. I had done bad things to people, and I didn't want to. During that time I really searched to understand who God is. I had claimed I believed in God for many years, but I didn't really know Him. Reading through the Bible myself, I discovered the story of God, Jesus, and the world. The story of God is really very simple. God created a perfect world and put man in it to share it with Him. But God gave man freedom, because God wanted a friend instead of a slave or a robot. But man rebelled against God and broke that relationship. That's the first 3 chapters of the Bible. The rest of the Bible is about how God is trying to restore that relationship. For the first part (the Old Testament) God tried to reestablish that relationship by being the big, powerful God and made rules for us to try to follow to get along with Him. That didn't work, a few people got it but most people missed it. They tried to use religion for their own gain (that story again) or they just did things their own way. So God tried a new approach, He came to earth Himself. He did this so He would understand what it felt like to be human. He was hungry, He was thirsty, He was mistreated, He was hated, He suffered, He was murdered. He also showed us what He intended life to really be like. That we could love others and not live life angry and bitter. That we could help other people and remove suffering from the world. That we could enjoy God's goodness, that we could love Him instead of fearing Him. That we didn't have to buy the lies of life that we need more money, nicer clothes, fancier cars, and people to think we're great to have a good life. In fact, that those things tend to work against us rather than for us. Then Jesus died in our place, because all wrong doing deserves punishment. This world can't be just unless sin is punished. But all of us have sinned, I know I have. But Jesus took that punishment for me, so that I can be friends with God again and enjoy His goodness. Jesus also rose from the dead, to prove that He is bigger than death and that death is not the end. However, the tricky part is that Jesus offers forgiveness for sin as a gift, and not all accept the gift. I think CS Lewis hit on something profound in "The Great Divorce". In the end, God gives us what we want. If we want Him and His goodness, then we get Him. But if we don't want Him, and want something else, then we get that. But like that person who thought they were getting a great deal on a Rolex out of someone's trunk, they find out that they aren't getting what they hoped for. They thought they were getting happiness, but in truth God is the only one that can give happiness. They thought they were getting Disney World, they ended up with Uncle Louie's Catfish Farm.

OK, so all of that stuff comes out of the Bible, so why do I believe the Bible? Well here's the thing, I can't give you all the proof. There's lots of information out there that is supposed to prove the Bible, and I've read some of it. There's also lots of information out there that is supposed to prove the Bible isn't true, and I've read some of that too. We could get into the scientific side of creation vs evolution, or the philisophical debates. I'm told Stephen Hawking things that this world was started by aliens. I guess he is pretty smart, so maybe I should believe him. There's a really great quote I like from GK Chesterton "It is idle to talk always of the alternative of reason and faith. Reason is itself a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." Let's remember the advances of the last two centuries and how many "laws of science" have been broken and proved wrong. For a couple of hundred years Sir Isaac Newton had the "end all, be all" on gravity until that Einstein smarty pants came along. When it comes to the Bible, every year a new book comes out showing how it's true and another 5 books come out showing how it isn't true. And obviously none are the final words, otherwise they'd stop writing the books and we'd stop debating about it! What about other religions? If I'm shopping for a religion, then they all sound pretty nuts. All of them are out to get my money and ruin my fun. None of them can be proved. At least with Jesus, I get grace. When it is all said and done, I can't prove or disprove any religion, faith, or God. The world has debated about it from the beginning and it will until we manage to destroy ourselves. So why Jesus? Because I met Jesus and I know Jesus. It's not that I know about Him, subscribe to His newsletter, or have Him as a friend on MySpace. I actually know Him. He is inside of me. Sometimes I sense His presence, sometimes I don't. I talk to Him a lot, every once in a while He talks to me. Mostly He has shown me that the Bible is true, not because I've been able to prove it but because I see God's goodness in it. And when I start having doubts about whether I know Jesus or not, my faith is held together because I have other friends who know Jesus. They talk to Him and He talks to them. I have seen their lives changed by Him, as my life has been changed by Him. I can't fix myself, but I have seen God fix things in me. I have seen God fix things in other people too. People who were broken by drugs or depression or broken hearts or bad choices. Scientifically I have no proof of God, experientially I have tons of proof. It may not be proof for anyone else, but it is enough proof for me.

So how does it work that I don't like organized religion, but follows Jesus. Even that I help lead a house church? I make sure that I'm following Jesus and reading my Bible, not following any particular person. I have a lot of respect for my pastor and really like him, but I also know he's just as jacked up as I am. So I listen to what he says and take it in, but Jesus is the one that I follow. He is the only one I can fully trust.

So what about all the "do" and "don't do" of following Jesus? Jesus tells us that God is our father. I know a lot of people have jacked up fathers. My dad isn't perfect, but my dad is a pretty good guy. When he tells me to do something or not do something, it is usually for my benefit. He doesn't want me to do something to hurt myself or to hurt someone else. Or we get the picture of Jesus as a shepherd, the shepherd is there to care for and protect the sheep. God isn't the "eternal party pooper", He loves His friends and wants what is best for them, even if a lot of the time they don't want what is best for themselves.

So I guess that comes together as why I believe in Jesus. Then because I believe in Jesus, I can put Him as the foundation in my life.

2007 Year in Review

A couple of years ago when I was getting ready to turn 29 I realized that I had been waiting. I'm not exactly sure what I had been waiting for, but I was waiting. Maybe it was for a wife, maybe it was for a perfect job, maybe it was for a partner in crime, maybe it was for the planets to align, maybe it was for someone to make my life perfect. Whatever it was that I was waiting for, I realized that I was missing out on a lot of good things in life because I was just waiting instead of enjoying what God had placed in my life then. So I made the decision to enjoy where I was in life and make sure that from that time on I would live life in a way that I wouldn't look back wishing I hadn't wasted it just waiting. I think 2007 was a year where I really experienced life in a bigger way that I ever have before. In fact, so much happened this year that I'm having a hard time remembering it all. So this will be a bit of a highlights reel and some things will be kinda short on details. Honestly, I only remember the last half of the year very well.

New Year's 2007 began with friends at my home for the New Year's Eve party. It was a good time and I remember candy being thrown by various members of my house church who know who they are. I also remember taking a long walk after everyone was gone just spending time with the Lord in prayer. This was a throw back to college when I often spend New Year's Eve alone, but I would always walk to the Liberal Arts fountain at Purdue to pray. I don't remember what I prayed the night that 2007 began, but I can certainly say that God moved in a big way this year.

My adventures in 2007 began quickly when I went hiking at McCormick's Creek on January 6. I also discovered Cataract Falls, which was pretty cool.
McCormick's Falls

Cataract Falls


February brought about fun winter weather. February 7 brought a blizzard to Indiana, so I went to Mounds State Park for some winter hiking.

I also went sledding with AJ, Lauren, and Anya



February 4 brought about a trip to Chicago for a travel writing seminar put on by National Geographic Traveler magazine. This was a really interesting seminar put on to help people get started in travel writing for magazines. I can't say that I've done much with this yet, but I did record it and I still hope to put what I learned to use. It was also -3 degrees on Lake Michigan, dang cold!


February 10 brought about a trip to Michigan to try luge. This was a really fun time, it's not as scary as it looks.


Lake Michigan was frozen a couple of hundred yards out from shore and was looking really cool.


I'm not coming up with much from March. April 1 brought about my first kayaking trip of the year, the April Fool's paddle on the Big Pine. It's the April Fool's paddle because only a fool would plan a trip in advance on the Big Pine, you never know when there's going to be enough water to paddle. Fortunately the river was at a good level and it was a really great trip.


Shark!

Soon after came my next kayak trip on April 15 on the Flatrock River. This trip went well, but was certainly a learning experience. It had snowed the day before and I took a swim directly across the river from the put in. But it was a big accomplishment when I got back in my boat and continued down the river. It turned out to be a great trip for me.


The following weekend brought a trip to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. I had been there when i was in 8th grade and it really scared me. I wasn't as scared this time, though I'll say that I prefer blue skies. It was a good time with friends.


May brought about a couple of big things. The bigger of the two is that my friend and roommate, Devin, moved back to Singapore. Devin is a great guy and it was sad to see him leave. I'm afraid I haven't done very well at keeping in touch. Things have certainly been different around home.

May also brought my biggest backpacking trip to date and the accomplishment of a long time goal. Eight years ago when I first began backpacking I had looked at the map of Great Smoky Mountains National Park and saw Lake Fontana on the south side. I thought it would be really cool to hike the length of the lake. Well in 2006 I saw that the National Park Service was considering building a road on the north side of the lake (there is currently no road and it's 40 miles without any form of modern civilization). So I decided that I needed to make that hike while the trail still existed. So I helped lead a trip with the Central Indiana Wilderness Club to hike the length of the lake (approx 40 miles) and then canoe back to the dam. So we did the trip and it was a wonderful adventure. We were out 6 days (5 nights) and hiked 40 miles and canoed around 20. I was very pleased with the trip, it was a grand adventure.


Early June I finally made it up to kayak on the East Race Whitewater course in South Bend. Though terrified my first few times down, it was my first time on Class II whitewater and was a great experience. I made it up there 3 times this year and really enjoyed it.



Early June also brought about a trip to Garden of the Gods, part of Shawnee National Forest in southern Illinois. This was a place that I had heard about here and there. I was glad to check out it. We originally planned it to be backpacking, but due to hot weather and the area not being real conducive to backpacking, we just did day hikes. It was a good trip.

We also stopped by Cataract Falls on the way home. It was a much lower level than before.


Late June brought about the wedding of my friends Alex and Sonja. I've been in house church with them for 3 years and it was a joy to see them joined in marriage. My house church is an important part of my family and I love seeing my kids grow up :)


July was a crazy month, and the start of when I can really recall the less event oriented things of the year.

July 7 I took a group of friends from church on a canoe trip on the Tippecanoe River. Water was a bit low, but passable. A good trip, but I won't be back to that section of river.


Mid July I was faced with a difficult decision. Back in April? or so I had started attending the church planting training school with my church. The purpose of this is an intense discipleship to prepare people to plant churches or do other things in ministry. For a long time I've felt that Indiana isn't where I'm supposed to stay, and I've felt led to go with a church plant. So I've just walked along waiting for God to show me when and where. Our church hired a new guy (he might not like me calling him a pastor) to lead the training school and hearing him talk about it I felt led to check it out. So I attended for a couple of months checking it out. However, in July came the time where it would change from being one night a week to meeting 3 times a week during the day, requiring a change in work schedule to part time. So I was having to evaluate whether to change my job to part time to do this, or quit the training school. After spending time with God on the subject, I made the decision to drop out. It was a tough decision and I'm missed it, but I know God led me in the right direction.

Immediately after that came the accomplishment of a life goal, getting to visit Glacier National Park. There are so many things I could say here, but this is already running long. It was an amazing trip.



While in Glacier my friends, Ben and Jen, from my house church got married. Another joyous celebration and more of my kids are growing up......

Upon coming home from Glacier came a huge and wonderful change in my life. I had signed up for eHarmony a couple of months before this and when I got back I found a profile for a cute girl in Ohio that looked interesting. I contacted her and I don't think my life will ever be the same.......

August brought about 2 more weddings in my house church. I will soon be offering my services and charging for membership in my house church. Nick and Megan Key were married early in the month.

August 19 I was best man for AJ and Lauren's wedding. This was an event that brought so much joy to me. AJ has been in my house church for 3 years and has become one of my closest friends. He was the first guy I've ever really discipled and I've found that I probably learned more from him than he learned from me. Lauren has been in my house church for a little less time. 2006 was a time when I was able to really get to know both of them better and I was overjoyed to watch them grow together. When people ask if God is really real and why I believe in Jesus Christ, AJ and Lauren are two of the reasons why. To see how God has worked in their lives, to heal them and restore them and to pour His Grace out upon two wonderful people. I have seen God transform them and that was something that made this wedding so very special. I had the privelege of being a part of all of this and I think I'm getting a little misty eyed now (seriously).

The day after the wedding I met that wonderful girl from Ohio.....

The next week brought about my next step in kayaking, the Nantahala River. A trip to North Carolina for a weekend to run the river, and it was a wonderful time. I did really well and my confidence in my paddling ability is growing.



So in August I met Julie and God has blessed us with a growing relationship. I can say with all due respect that I have known, and dated, some incredible women. However, Julie and I have really found something special. She is a warm, fun, caring, adventurous, Godly woman and she continues to impress me more and more. Of all my friends and family that have met her, everyone loves her (I'm becoming concerned that they all like her more than me). I'll say more about her below in my "profound thoughts" sections. But about here is where she really entered into my life and has been my best friend who has shared in almost all my adventures since.

I can't say I remember a lot specifically about September. It was mostly weekend dates with Julie and ya'll don't need to know the details of all of that :)

October brought more adventure. It began with a beginner's backpacking trip to Red River Gorge. Julie and 7 other people joined me for a weekend trip. It turned out to be a spectacular trip with fantastic scenery and a really fun group of people.


The next week came Julie's introduction to the kayaking community with a trip to the Hiwassee River in Tennessee. I paddled my kayak while she paddled an inflatable kayak with a friend. We both did really well and enjoyed the trip a lot. We have gotten much milage out of this photo of Julie and her friend stuck on a rock ledge on the river.


Late October brought about the annual house church fall retreat to Decatur, IN. Originally Julie and I had planned on backpacking on the AT this weekend, but rain in the area we were going to caused us to cancel. We were glad it worked out that we could join house church friends for this wonderful weekend.


The first weekend in November was what originally was going to be AJ's bachelor party. It was going to be in July, but was postponed. Fortunately most of the guys from house church were able to make this trip and we had a really great weekend hiking and rock climbing in Red River Gorge. We stayed at the True North Outfitters for the weekend and just had a great time of manly fellowship.


Our return from the guy's weekend because the first step in a new direction for my house church. We had been growing for a long time and finally reached a point where we were ready to plant a new house church. So our one big group became two new house churches. Things are off to a good start and I'm excited to see what God does in each one.

The next weekend I took off on an adventure I never expected 6 months before. When I left the training school at church the guy leading it invited me on their pilgrimage to Paria Canyon in Utah. We spent 6 days hiking down a canyon in Utah/Arizona that joins the Colorado River at the beginning of the Grand Canyon. There were 9 guys and we had a wonderful time walking together, it was an amazing experience that I hope to do again some day.



December came and we were able to get in an early sledding trip due to snow. Another great time with friends from house church and kayaking.


Christmas was a wonderful experience getting a chance to spend time with Julie's family, my family, and friends.


New Year's Eve was spent low key with Julie and a few friends. The year ended and we didn't even realized it. We were chatting in the living room and heard noise outside. We thought it was hail, but then realized it was fireworks. Then we realized that it was midnight.

Profound thoughts on the year:
I think the one word to describe the year is "adventure". I had so many different, wonderful, experiences that it's hard to sum it all up. What I've written here hits what I had photos for, I know I missed out on so much more that was really important. Just too much happened to remember. But I know that this year was full of a lot of wonderful people in a lot of different places and that I'm left with wonderful memories. I also had a lot of personal growth this year. My finances improved greatly, I've made some good steps in the right direction in taking care of myself (many more needed), and growing in confidence in who God made me to be. I have some low point this year also. I feel like as a leader and a friend to those in my house church I was more absent than I liked. I think that was more of a loss for me than anyone else. I'm thankful and proud of the people in my house church who stepped up to fill those spaces I left empty. Then doing that was important and necessary for our house church to grow as it has and to prepare to become two new house churches. Yet I'm also sad that I missed out on depth in relationships. I also feel that this year my walk with God was not what I wish it was. I know that with everything going on that I didn't spend the time with God that is so important in that relationship with Him.

Looking towards 2008:
I don't know what 2008 will bring. Julie and I continue to grow in our relationship and our love for each other. We are enjoying the journey. We have talked some about the future, but neither of us feel we can claim to know what that will bring. I'm looking forward to more kayaking. We will be visiting my brother in Idaho and plan on a visit to Oregon. We have some vague ideas about things for 2008, but we don't know anything for sure. But I think that's where God wants us right now. Maybe more than anything I'm learning to trust God step by step. 2007 brought a lot of unexpected things, so I'm learning to expect the unexpected. What I do know is that God has blessed me with a lot of incredible people in my life and I want to enjoy them all. I want each person to know God's love for them and hopefully they know that I love them and value their friendship. I'm proud to have an incredible woman by my side and I'm excited about the journey we will share. I'm excited for 2008, even though I have no idea what it will bring. God is good and I trust Him, even if it doesn't look like what I would plan myself.

Dang, that last sentence is going to come back to haunt me, isn't it? Happy New Year!