Creation

I was listening to the Mars Hill sermon podcast (Seattle) and Mark Driscoll presented an incredible thought about creation.

For all of creation, God spoke things into existence. He said "Let there be....." and it was created. But when He got to man and woman, He came down and formed us with His own hands. That is how special we are to Him.

"Oh yes, You shaped me first inside, then out;
You formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank You, High God—You're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
You know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, You watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before You,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day."

Psalm 139:13-15 (The Message)

What is love?

The greatest commandment that Jesus gave us is to love God and to love others. Right now I'm having a really hard time loving. In fact, I'd really love to just tear into someone right now. But I know I need to love them, and that's really hard. We so often have this concept of love that says "I'm going to feel warm and fuzzy about this person." But real love is displayed when things are hard and we choose to love anyways. I was looking at 1 Corinthians 13 and I think that if we consider what is written there, it makes it plain to us:

"Love never gives up"
Sometimes we're going to want to give up. But love says that we're going to stick with it, despite how we feel.

"Love cares more for others than for self"
There are going to be times when I really want to take care of myself, screw everyone else. But I'm really showing love if I choose to care for them over myself.

"Love doesn't want what it doesn't have"
There's going to be times when we want the last piece of pizza and someone else wants the last piece of pizza. Love is letting them having it. In every relationship we're going to be jealous of the other person, love is being happy for them that they have it.

"Love doesn't strut"
When we win the game we don't shove it in the face of the other person, we encourage them and lift them up. We are going to have times where we want to be in the center ring, love is choosing to be the side show so others can have the center ring.

"Doesn't have a swelled head"
We're going to have times when we think we're the smartest, but love is setting aside our vast knowledge so the other person feels valued and they are given the chance to share what they have to offer.

"Doesn't force itself on others"
There's going to be times when we want to be close to someone and we hunt them like a lion. Love is giving them the space and freedom not to be hunted, but they are allowed to return their love freely

"Isn't always me first"
There's going to be times when we want to be first, love is letting others be first.

"Doesn't fly off the handle"
We're going to want to fly off the handle and tear into someone. Love is keeping those things under control so that when we speak we are seeking healing for the relationship and the other person knows that, even if we are upset with them, that we care for them and love them.

"Doesn't keep score of the sins of others"
So many times we keep a score card of how many times another person has hurt us. While it is unhealthy to allow ourselves to be continually abused, love is giving someone a clean slate so that the relationship can heal.

"Doesn't revel when others grovel"
There will be times when other people are at our mercy. We have the opportunity to take full advantage of those times, or we have the opportunity to lift them up and restore them to an equal relationship with us.

"Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth"
Let's face it, truth is hard. So many times we don't want to speak truth to someone when we know they won't like it. It's also hard to hear the truth when it is someone telling us how jacked up we are. But love says that we speak truth gently so that we can help each other and that bonds of trust can be built. Without trust, there is no relationship.

"Puts up with anything"
In a relationship, anything and everything will happen. Love says that we'll stick with it even when it is hard.

"Trust God always"
To love and to be loved is to make ourselves vulnerable. We are giving people access to our heart, and sometimes people hurt us. We have to trust God that He loves us more than any of us love each other, and that He will protect us, He will heal us, and He will restore us.

"Always looks for the best"
Sometimes the bad things will shine like the lights of Vegas. Love is looking for the pretty flower growing in a patch of grass and remembering that despite all the bad we see, good things are there. In the end, the good will overcome the bad. We have hold onto that if we are going to love.

"Never looks back"
There are going to be times when we wish for the good ol' days, but love holds onto hope that whatever the relationship, things will be better.

"but keeps going to the end"
We live in a world that gives up when something is hard. Love is not a warm, fuzzy feeling. It is a commitment to a relationship and a promise that we will work through all things no matter how hard it is. Love is the one thing that can overcome everything else, but love has to be more than a feeling for that to work.

*****************************
Sin has corrupted what we know about love. The movies sell it as something cheap and easy. The world says that it's all about you. But in truth, love is all about someone else if it is going to be the love that the Bible promises us. God is love, and to prove that He gave everything to pursue us. He wants us to receive that love, and to share it with others. When people ask why I believe in God, it's because I've experienced His love. My hope is that maybe, in some small way, I can share that love with someone else. I'm really struggling to love, it doesn't come natural. But I want to and I pray that maybe God's love can overflow in my life in some small way.

RE: Another fun survey :)

1.  WHO WERE YOU NAMED AFTER?

 Benjamin in the Bible, I think 

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

 I started to get a little choked up when watching "Epic Live" on Saturday night, I can't wait for Heaven! 

3. Do you like your handwriting

 Nope 

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

  It varies 

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

 No 

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

 I'd probably bug the snot out of me. 

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT?

 Never! 

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS

 No 

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

 I might be talked into it 

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

 It's been so long since I've had cereal that I don't know anymore. 

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

 Yes 

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

In some ways 

 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

 Mint Chocolate Chip 

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

 Face 

15. RED OR PINK?

 Red 

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU?

 I need to be in better shape 

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST

 Julie 

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?

 I always enjoy reading people's responses 

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

 blue jeans and brown trail running shoes 

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

 Dilly bar :) 

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

 My coworkers talking 

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

 Probably a beige color 

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

 Walking into my grandparent's house when things have been cooking 

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

 Some guy from Verizon who wanted me to upgrade my phone 

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?

 I like her, I like her a lot :) 

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

 Combat kayaking :) 

27. HAIR COLOR?

Dark brown

28. EYE COLOR?

 dark brown 

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

 No 

30. FAVORITE FOOD?

 It varies, big fan of lasagna, pizza, and steak 

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

 I like real life stories, they tend to vary 

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

 U2-3D with Julie, and it was her idea :) 

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

 dark blue with black 

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

 Spring and fall 

35. HUGS OR KISSES?

 Yes please!  But I'm waiting to kiss until I'm married 

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?

 Chocolate chip cookies or ice cream 

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

 Not sure 

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND

 Everyone 

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

I've been working on "Digital Rebel XTi/400D Digital Field Guide"

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

 at work it is the Gateway power button 

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?

 caught up on Lost 

42. FAVORITE SOUND?

 Julie's voice, being out in nature 

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

 Cream and Jimi Hendrix 

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

 Ojague, Guinea 

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

I don't know that I have one particular talent, I know enough about stuff to be dangerous

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

 Not answering this one, it's a security question 

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?

 Whoever wants to respond 

Safe in an empty castle

Once there was a man who ruled over a small village in the mountains. He lived in the castle above the village where he could look down over his people. He loved his people and the people loved him. His castle was open and everyone on the country knew him to be an open and generous host. All was well and life was good. Then one day he had to make a difficult decision. This decision made the people of the town angry and the mob chased the man back into his castle. He bolted the doors and hid by himself in his castle. He hid there for years, afraid that the mob was going to come for him. The people of the town had soon forgotten the offense and went on with life. But their life was not as good, because this good man was still hiding in his castle. After many years of fear and misery, the man got tired of living safe in an empty castle. He decided to go down to the village and apologize. He was still afraid the people would hurt him, but he decided that being hurt by the people would be less painful than the fear and isolation he had suffered with for years. He stood in the town square and apologized to the people. The people quickly forgave him and restored him. The castle was reopened and all were welcome again. The man was happy and the people were happy, life was good again.

I think sometimes one of the hardest things for any of us is to allow ourselves to be loved and to be forgiven. We feel like we screwed up and people are angry and we run away. Sometimes there is pain and anger, but among people who really love each other such wrongs can be quickly forgiven and let go of. Many times we refuse to accept that love and forgiveness, we isolate ourselves to protect ourselves and find out that we may be "safe" but were are alone. Love is a risky business, if we are going to have a life full of love and people we are going to have to risk, no only that someone would hurt us but that we would hurt someone else. Jesus told us to love others as we love ourselves, but sometimes the converse is the hardest. We have to love ourselves, and be loved, as we love others. If someone wrongs me I can usually forgive and move on easily. But if I hurt someone else I often beat myself up. It can be easier to love other people because then we're "right" and "good" and "better", it helps our pride. But to allow others to love us, especially when we have wronged someone, puts us in a place of humility, vulnerability, and weakness. But that is the place we must be in order to walk with Jesus. To know the Grace of God we have to know that we need that Grace. Jesus preferred time with the "sinners" over the "righteous" because the "sinners" knew they needed Grace, they were humble and open to receiving God's love.

Sometimes I have to be reminded that I have to come out of my castle, to remember that people love me and care for me, even when I have wronged them. Being humble and vulnerable with people is much better than being "safe" by myself.

Balance?

So tomorrow I'm leaving with Julie to go to Oregon for 5 or 6 days. We're really excited to go. We've both been on the go a lot lately and a change of scenery will be nice.

I caught a moment to breathe after Christmas, and then things went crazy. I've been putting in extra hours at work and it's been wearing me down. I've been out of town every weekend to spend time with Julie in Dayton. That has been good, but it has kept me busy. Life has just been very full.

It has been an odd time also. About a month ago my house church dissolved. We just hit the point where we had too few members and too few leadership. Though I love the people in my house church, it's actually been a relief. I've been in leadership in house church for 6 years and, in all honesty, I just burned out. For the last several months it has felt like anything to do with church or house church has been a job. I don't want it to be a job, I want that to be something I love and take joy in. Church is about growing in our relationship with Jesus and loving others. But sometimes you just have to take a break to refocus and recharge. So for the last few weeks I haven't been attending house church (haven't made it to Common Ground either, I've been in Dayton so I've been at Apex). I'm starting to miss it and it's a good feeling. I'll get plugged in again once I get back from Oregon.

I'm excited for spring. I'm excited to kayak again, I so can't wait. The last two Sundays I've been at the pool and it has felt wonderful. It's just a nice way to blow off some steam and have fun. I've met some cool new people over in Dayton. I know the Class II paddlers in the HCC are excited for a big season. One month until the Big Pine!

God just continues to bless me with Julie. What an incredible woman. I have to say that I got more than I bargained for when I met her :)

I feel like this is just all incoherent rambling, and I guess that says something about my mental state. Right now there's a need to restore the balance in my life.

Pray for us as we're in Oregon. Other than a day out at the coast, we don't have a plan. Just wherever God leads us. My brother and his wife are going to join us for a few days. We just want to enjoy the city and get to know it some. That as we live out who God made us to be, that people would see God's image in us.

Pray for us also as Julie and I are talking about taking the step of living in the same city. So we're seeking what that is going to look like. Indianapolis? Dayton? Somewhere else? Fun stuff like Julie selling her house, at least one of us finding a new job, a change in community. It's exciting to think about, but also a bit scary.

OK, I'm done rambling.

Valentine's Day (or Singleness Awareness Day)

So I'm sure a few people have noticed that I'm rather smitten with a certain girl. This will be my first time going into Valentine's Day with a girlfriend. While it is a Hallmark holiday and people can go overboard (holy cow Target was crazy tonight), I have been enjoying it.

So I've also spent February 14 as Singleness Awareness Day for many years. Some of those years I was really depressed and lonely, many I really enjoyed.

I'm really blessed to have a wonderful girlfriend and I feel like we have a very healthy and strong relationship. I have gotten far more than I could have dreamed of when I met Julie, and for some reason she likes me too.

I have also been sad to see some people I care a lot about having a lot of troubles in relationships lately too. Pain, heartache, tears, angry words, deep wounds. My heart aches for my friends and I pray for them.

In all of this I am reminded that we can't count on being in a relationship to make us happy. In many ways when we depend on a relationship to make us happy, we will be let down. Too many times people make poor decisions on who to be in a relationship with simply because they are lonely and want someone to make them happy. When that person fails is when all the pain and frustration comes along to attack their hearts. I am a big believer that any time we say "I'd be happy if....." then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and pain. We can't count on a change in our circumstances to make us happy. We have to make the decision to make the best of our circumstances, whatever they may be. Then if we are given the opportunity for a change, we can evaluate whether that change will really be good for us or not. We will have the strength to say "I won't date someone who mistreats me or doesn't respect me." We can say "I have a standard for who I'm willing to be in a relationship with and I won't settle for anything less." It also gives us the strength to say "this dating relationship is not healthy and I'm going to leave rather than cling to someone who isn't God's best for me." One of the best pieces of advice I have ever heart is "you are ready to date when you would rather be alone than be with the wrong person."

Here is my word of encouragement for everyone out there, in a relationship or not. One of the most wonderful things you can do for Valentine's Day is seek to make someone else happy. If you are counting on someone to make you happy, you'll probably be let down. But if you make it your goal to bless someone else, then you will brighten their day and you'll be blessed by it too. For many years I would plan a dinner on Valentine's Day for my friends (single and in relationships, sometimes we actually had married people join us and it was wonderful). I loved those dinners, they were always so much fun. I could see that others really enjoyed it and it blessed me too. Think about a friend that you could send a card or flowers, get your friends together for dinner, just call up someone to let them know you appreciate them. Go to a nursing home and visit some of the lonely people there. Be a blessing to someone, paybacks are Heaven :)

I also really want to encourage everyone to take time to understand what God's best for you is in relationships. Last weekend Julie and I attended the Song of Solomon conference (you know, that sexually explicit book of the Bible that you read as a teen when you were bored in church but still doesn't make any sense) and it was really great. The website for the ministry is http://www.songofsolomon.com/ and I highly encourage everyone to check it out. We were really blessed by it. We ordered the conference CD's so I'll have those to loan out also.

Finally a shout out to my girl. She is a beautiful woman and an incredible woman of character. I am so blessed. It took me 30.5 years to have my first girlfriend, but she has been more than worth the wait. I'm excited to see where God leads us, the first 6 months have been incredible.

I just have to say that this is still one of my favorite photos of Julie. It just shows some of the things that I love about her. Her adventurous spirit, her courage in a challenging situation, her trust in me (even when I'm not always worthy of it), and her being able to put up with a silly guy :)

How's this for messed up?

I'm reading this article in National Geographic Adventure called "Why the bonobos need a radio and other (unlikely) lessons from deepest Congo". It's about researching these apes called bonobos that are supposed to share 98% of human's DNA, they are supposed to be our closest relative (if you buy evolution). This researcher is interested because she thinks that maybe we are more like them, who are non-violent, deal with conflict by having lots of sex, and are matriarchal. Verses chimps who are very violent, often murdering other chimps, and are very patriarchal. A quote is "And I think on some level people can learn from them in that they are like us, or we are like the bonobo." She's essentially looking to find out if people are basically good (like the bonobo) or basically bad (like the chimps). Then later she is referring to a drug-crazed warlord who tortures his victims by putting them in oil drums in the equatorial sun, and how this warlord arrested her and was going to kill her, but came down off his high and let her go. So she says "I was lucky, but that's the risk of working in an environment where human beings slaughter each other without any mercy whatsoever."

So am I the only one that thinks she has the answer to her question about whether people are basically good or basically bad?