So last night while working on wedding planning we watched “50 First Dates”. For those who haven’t seen the movie, Adam Sandler chases after Drew Barrymore. She was in a car accident that causes her memory to reset each night to the day of her accident. She remembers everything before that day, but wakes up every day only remembering what she knew up to that day. Adam Sandler falls in love with her and has to figure out how to pursue her, despite her forgetting who he is every night.
After the movie I was thinking about it. It would certainly be a challenging relationship. However, I think that relationship would also be blessed with some things that all of us would be blessed if we could do it.
What would it look like if every day I pursued my wife like I’m trying to win her love all over again? That each day I would do everything I could to win her heart, just like she woke up not remembering that I loved her and she loved me. It can be so easy to take the person you love for granted and just fall into a routine like you have a roommate. I remember hearing the story of an autistic child who told his mom that he loved her one day, and then didn’t say it again for years. Then one day she broke down and asked why he never told her he loved her. His reply was “I already told you that once, so you already knew.” I think many times we can approach love like that, we just assume that the other person knows and we go on with coexisting. But how would our relationships (not only with spouses, but with friends and other family) be transformed if each day we pursued that person in away that they would fall in love with us all over again?
The other thing that I really think we could learn from is forgetting the day before. Now it would be sad to forget all the good things, those certainly are worth holding onto. Drew Barrymore’s character kept a journal of all the good things she wanted to remember, because she knew she would forget. But what would it look like if every night we forgot the bad things? They were gone like they didn’t happen. No memory, a fresh start every day. God tells us “His mercies are new each day” and that love keeps no record of wrongs. How would our relationships be transformed if we held onto the good things in a way we would never forget, but quickly forgot the bad things? That’s called Grace folks.
I think those two things would absolutely transform our relationships with our spouses, as well as our friends and family. But that’s also how God pursues us. Each day God pursues us, desiring us to fall in love with Him all over again. Every day He wants us to choose Him and love Him as He loves us. Too often we aren’t paying attention. Each day God wipes His slate clean, that those who are covered by the blood of Jesus are made new. He has promised us that He will remember our sins no more. And the really cool thing about it, this doesn’t happen as a big accident. God chooses this each day. He has promised us this and each day He makes the conscious choice to pursue us madly and to forgive us of all we have done wrong.
I pray that I can choose to do that with my wife, my family, and my friends. I pray that I can pay attention to God pursuing me like that and respond by loving Him and embracing this beautiful gift He offers me.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Government and hope
Right now the election is a pretty frequent topic that comes up. The big
debate between McCain and Obama. Stickers and signs are everywhere, people
are choosing their sides. The future of our country, at least the next 4
years, is hanging in the balance and everyone has their firm belief about
who the best person is.
I've never really taken much interest in politics. In the past I've just
voted straight Republican, but in recent years I've moved more into a middle
ground. I'm still undecided about where I stand for this election. I plan
on taking time to do some research and find out where the candidates stand
on different issues. I look at both sides and I see some things I like
about each party. I don't believe in voting on just one issue, I think that
we have to look at the whole person. We probably won't find someone who
agrees with us 100%, so we have to find the one we agree with most.
I think the reason this is becoming such a big deal is that people are
looking around at this world and see that it's broken. The economy is
taking a nose dive, the war in Iraq and Afghanistan continues, the
environment has become a big issue, the genocide in Darfur, crime in our
cities, unemployment, and a million other things. We know this isn't how
it's supposed to be, and we want someone to fix it. Everyone is hoping
their candidate will be able to fix things, everyone is sure they have the
answer.
As a Christian, what should our attitude be? Traditionally many Christians
have taken the Republican side, but that has become less true of late. As
we look at the ethics of the Kingdom of God, neither party really fits.
Whether it's abortion, war, social justice, the environment, capital
punishment, welfare, health care, or a lot of other hot button issues,
neither party has fully taken a stand on what has traditionally been the
Christian viewpoint on those issues. So what are we to do? I think as
Christians, we have to look at where our hope lies and take a look at what
God's Word tells us about these things.
Throughout the Bible, the relationship between God's people and government
has been an interesting one. At times the governments were fully on God's
side, at times the governments were totally against God. God placed Joseph
in pharoh's government to advance His people and save them from famine. He
used David to fully establish a physical kingdom dedicated to God on earth.
God used government leaders such as Daniel and Nehemiah to help His people
in times of hardship. Yet Egypt was a horrible oppressor, Saul rebelled
against God, Solomon played for both teams, and the kings of Judah and
Israel were a mixture of good and evil. Nebekaneezer, Cyrus, and Darius
were all evil kings, though Darius did allow the Israelites to return to
their native land. Pontius Pilate has God Himself nailed to a cross. I
think the important thing in all these cases is that God was in control of
all of those leaders. Romans 13 tells us that "there is no authority except
from God, and those which exist are establish by God". So whether good or
evil, God put that person in place for a reason and He had control over
them. Yes, that does create difficulties as we examine why people like
Adolf Hitler were put in power by God, but I'm not going to touch that one
right now. However, this should give us comfort that whichever leader is in
place, God is still in control. He still reigns over all rulers of the
earth, and all things are at His command.
I think we do need to take a good look at where our hope is placed. While
God has used the governments of the earth for His purposes, I don't see
anywhere in the Bible that God designated the government as our hope.
Instead, God has called His people into His Kingdom, which He desires to
establish on earth. When God created Israel He did so by calling people out
of other lands to establish a new kingdom in His name. While His people
lived for a time among other peoples, He eventually called them into a land
of their own. God desired for them to be His people, dedicated to Him, and
He would be their God. Unfortunately, those people hardened their heart to
God and they desired to be like the other kingdoms around them. Those
kingdoms stole God's people away and they became a part of those idolitrous
nations. When Jesus came, He did so to reestablish God's Kingdom on earth.
Not as a physical location or formed government, but in people's hearts.
That, even though we lived among the other people, we would be distinct from
them. We would not live the way people in the world's kingdoms lived, but
we would live with God has our leader. I think that is what is important to
Christians today. Who do we seek to lead us? Who will save us from this
broken world and fix what is wrong? When we look to human leaders, we are
placing God sized problems on the shoulders of men. God wants to be our
Savior, He desires to fix this broken world and make His Kingdom on earth.
That still leaves us with a jacked up world, what are we to do? God's Word
shows us that God can, and does, use the governments of this world for His
purposes. However, God's Word also shows us that His agent for establishing
His Kingdom on earth is the Church. The Church, the people of God's
Kingdom, has been given the privledge of sharing God's Glory with the earth.
We are His agents, His ambassidors, for bringing His hope, His peace, and
His goodness to others. We are the ones that God wants to help the poor and
suffering. We are the ones that God wants to fight injustice with. We are
the ones that God wants to bring love to the lonely and heartbroken. We are
the ones that He wants to use to save this broken world. Unfortunately,
many Christians look to the government to fix these problems. We don't want
to deal with the inner city, so we ask the government to develop programs.
We don't want to help the sick, so we send them to hospitals and clinics.
We don't want to help the destitute, so we send them to welfare and
unemployment. God asked us to be His Body, physically represent Him, on
earth, and we are trying to pass on the stuff we don't like. But we have
the opportunity to be Jesus to a broken world, that is how God wants to deal
with this jacked up planet.
I do believe that Christians should vote and make their voice heard to the
government. Even Moses appealed to Pharoh to address the issue of slavery.
However, as a Christian our hope should not be in our elected government
officials. They have a role to play, and God will use them. But we have a
role to play also. As God's people we should be establishing outposts for
His Kingdom on earth, and letting others know of the hope we have in Jesus.
Each of us has a role to play in that, not just the paid "ministry" people.
Each person can take up some way to speak up for the Kingdom of God. Some
Christians may be called to be active in the government, from president all
the way down to local government. All of us can get involved in our local
neighborhood to bring God's Goodness there. Some may be called to go to
Sudan or China to bring God's Kingdom. Some may just go to a normal job and
bring God's Kingdom there. Whatever it may be, we each have a role in
bringing hope to a fallen world. Our government officials have a role in
that, but it is a small part compared to what God wants to do with the
Church, His chosen people.
debate between McCain and Obama. Stickers and signs are everywhere, people
are choosing their sides. The future of our country, at least the next 4
years, is hanging in the balance and everyone has their firm belief about
who the best person is.
I've never really taken much interest in politics. In the past I've just
voted straight Republican, but in recent years I've moved more into a middle
ground. I'm still undecided about where I stand for this election. I plan
on taking time to do some research and find out where the candidates stand
on different issues. I look at both sides and I see some things I like
about each party. I don't believe in voting on just one issue, I think that
we have to look at the whole person. We probably won't find someone who
agrees with us 100%, so we have to find the one we agree with most.
I think the reason this is becoming such a big deal is that people are
looking around at this world and see that it's broken. The economy is
taking a nose dive, the war in Iraq and Afghanistan continues, the
environment has become a big issue, the genocide in Darfur, crime in our
cities, unemployment, and a million other things. We know this isn't how
it's supposed to be, and we want someone to fix it. Everyone is hoping
their candidate will be able to fix things, everyone is sure they have the
answer.
As a Christian, what should our attitude be? Traditionally many Christians
have taken the Republican side, but that has become less true of late. As
we look at the ethics of the Kingdom of God, neither party really fits.
Whether it's abortion, war, social justice, the environment, capital
punishment, welfare, health care, or a lot of other hot button issues,
neither party has fully taken a stand on what has traditionally been the
Christian viewpoint on those issues. So what are we to do? I think as
Christians, we have to look at where our hope lies and take a look at what
God's Word tells us about these things.
Throughout the Bible, the relationship between God's people and government
has been an interesting one. At times the governments were fully on God's
side, at times the governments were totally against God. God placed Joseph
in pharoh's government to advance His people and save them from famine. He
used David to fully establish a physical kingdom dedicated to God on earth.
God used government leaders such as Daniel and Nehemiah to help His people
in times of hardship. Yet Egypt was a horrible oppressor, Saul rebelled
against God, Solomon played for both teams, and the kings of Judah and
Israel were a mixture of good and evil. Nebekaneezer, Cyrus, and Darius
were all evil kings, though Darius did allow the Israelites to return to
their native land. Pontius Pilate has God Himself nailed to a cross. I
think the important thing in all these cases is that God was in control of
all of those leaders. Romans 13 tells us that "there is no authority except
from God, and those which exist are establish by God". So whether good or
evil, God put that person in place for a reason and He had control over
them. Yes, that does create difficulties as we examine why people like
Adolf Hitler were put in power by God, but I'm not going to touch that one
right now. However, this should give us comfort that whichever leader is in
place, God is still in control. He still reigns over all rulers of the
earth, and all things are at His command.
I think we do need to take a good look at where our hope is placed. While
God has used the governments of the earth for His purposes, I don't see
anywhere in the Bible that God designated the government as our hope.
Instead, God has called His people into His Kingdom, which He desires to
establish on earth. When God created Israel He did so by calling people out
of other lands to establish a new kingdom in His name. While His people
lived for a time among other peoples, He eventually called them into a land
of their own. God desired for them to be His people, dedicated to Him, and
He would be their God. Unfortunately, those people hardened their heart to
God and they desired to be like the other kingdoms around them. Those
kingdoms stole God's people away and they became a part of those idolitrous
nations. When Jesus came, He did so to reestablish God's Kingdom on earth.
Not as a physical location or formed government, but in people's hearts.
That, even though we lived among the other people, we would be distinct from
them. We would not live the way people in the world's kingdoms lived, but
we would live with God has our leader. I think that is what is important to
Christians today. Who do we seek to lead us? Who will save us from this
broken world and fix what is wrong? When we look to human leaders, we are
placing God sized problems on the shoulders of men. God wants to be our
Savior, He desires to fix this broken world and make His Kingdom on earth.
That still leaves us with a jacked up world, what are we to do? God's Word
shows us that God can, and does, use the governments of this world for His
purposes. However, God's Word also shows us that His agent for establishing
His Kingdom on earth is the Church. The Church, the people of God's
Kingdom, has been given the privledge of sharing God's Glory with the earth.
We are His agents, His ambassidors, for bringing His hope, His peace, and
His goodness to others. We are the ones that God wants to help the poor and
suffering. We are the ones that God wants to fight injustice with. We are
the ones that God wants to bring love to the lonely and heartbroken. We are
the ones that He wants to use to save this broken world. Unfortunately,
many Christians look to the government to fix these problems. We don't want
to deal with the inner city, so we ask the government to develop programs.
We don't want to help the sick, so we send them to hospitals and clinics.
We don't want to help the destitute, so we send them to welfare and
unemployment. God asked us to be His Body, physically represent Him, on
earth, and we are trying to pass on the stuff we don't like. But we have
the opportunity to be Jesus to a broken world, that is how God wants to deal
with this jacked up planet.
I do believe that Christians should vote and make their voice heard to the
government. Even Moses appealed to Pharoh to address the issue of slavery.
However, as a Christian our hope should not be in our elected government
officials. They have a role to play, and God will use them. But we have a
role to play also. As God's people we should be establishing outposts for
His Kingdom on earth, and letting others know of the hope we have in Jesus.
Each of us has a role to play in that, not just the paid "ministry" people.
Each person can take up some way to speak up for the Kingdom of God. Some
Christians may be called to be active in the government, from president all
the way down to local government. All of us can get involved in our local
neighborhood to bring God's Goodness there. Some may be called to go to
Sudan or China to bring God's Kingdom. Some may just go to a normal job and
bring God's Kingdom there. Whatever it may be, we each have a role in
bringing hope to a fallen world. Our government officials have a role in
that, but it is a small part compared to what God wants to do with the
Church, His chosen people.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The Dark Knight
Last night Julie and I went to see "The Dark Knight". It was a darker movie than I tend to enjoy, and I'm not sure that I'd say I enjoyed it, but I was reminded of some important things that I tend to try to pretend don't exist.
Heath Ledger did an amazing job playing the part of The Joker. He's the kind of character that people walk out of the theater saying "I'm glad that isn't real." The scary thing is, that kind of evil is all too real. Satan's greatest deception is to get people to believe that he doesn't exist. Satan is much more evil than The Joker, but he is often more subtle than that. Satan has no motivation for his evil than just the destruction of the people God loves. There have been times and cultures where Satan could cause people to fall by making himself know, but today most of the time the best way to get people to fall is just to get people to believe that there is no God or devil. The movie was a great reminder of what real evil can look like. We have a enemy like that, though much more sly and much more evil.
Batman is always portrayed as a tormented figure. There is a sense of justice and vengence, but not as the cost of becoming that which he fights against. Where he does well as a Christ figure is that he has the position of someone much more important than a crime fighter, but he sets aside that identity to seek justice for the oppressed. He fights evil, but is not willing to compromise his own integrity to do so. He knows there is a line that separates him from good and evil, and he is not willing to step over that line even if it would make things easier.
One of the more subtle lessons I found was idolitry. We see that Harvey Dent and Bruce Wayne both love Rachel. She is an object of passion for both of them. How they respond when faced with the loss of her makes the difference between love and making her an idol. When faced with the possible loss of the woman he loves, Bruce Wayne looks at the choice he has to make between the woman he loves and the man he believes can rescue Gotham from evil. Bruce makes the choice to sacrifice the woman he loves in order to bring justice to the city he loves. When Harvey loses the woman he loves, he also loses himself. He chooses to set aside his own love of justice, which was shared by the woman he loves, and seek vengence against those who took the thing he loved. When Bruce Wayne was faced with the loss, he chose goodness over the woman he loved and he never compromised who he was in order to save what he loved. When Harvey Dent faced this choice, he choose evil and compromised who he was because his idol had been taken with him. If Rachel had survived to the end of the movie, which man would she had seen as a man of character and love? Bruce was wasn't willing to compromise his goodness for what he loved, Harvey compromised who he was for the sake of what he wanted. Harvey didn't understand what love was.
Not my most coherent thoughts, but it's early on a Saturday morning.
Heath Ledger did an amazing job playing the part of The Joker. He's the kind of character that people walk out of the theater saying "I'm glad that isn't real." The scary thing is, that kind of evil is all too real. Satan's greatest deception is to get people to believe that he doesn't exist. Satan is much more evil than The Joker, but he is often more subtle than that. Satan has no motivation for his evil than just the destruction of the people God loves. There have been times and cultures where Satan could cause people to fall by making himself know, but today most of the time the best way to get people to fall is just to get people to believe that there is no God or devil. The movie was a great reminder of what real evil can look like. We have a enemy like that, though much more sly and much more evil.
Batman is always portrayed as a tormented figure. There is a sense of justice and vengence, but not as the cost of becoming that which he fights against. Where he does well as a Christ figure is that he has the position of someone much more important than a crime fighter, but he sets aside that identity to seek justice for the oppressed. He fights evil, but is not willing to compromise his own integrity to do so. He knows there is a line that separates him from good and evil, and he is not willing to step over that line even if it would make things easier.
One of the more subtle lessons I found was idolitry. We see that Harvey Dent and Bruce Wayne both love Rachel. She is an object of passion for both of them. How they respond when faced with the loss of her makes the difference between love and making her an idol. When faced with the possible loss of the woman he loves, Bruce Wayne looks at the choice he has to make between the woman he loves and the man he believes can rescue Gotham from evil. Bruce makes the choice to sacrifice the woman he loves in order to bring justice to the city he loves. When Harvey loses the woman he loves, he also loses himself. He chooses to set aside his own love of justice, which was shared by the woman he loves, and seek vengence against those who took the thing he loved. When Bruce Wayne was faced with the loss, he chose goodness over the woman he loved and he never compromised who he was in order to save what he loved. When Harvey Dent faced this choice, he choose evil and compromised who he was because his idol had been taken with him. If Rachel had survived to the end of the movie, which man would she had seen as a man of character and love? Bruce was wasn't willing to compromise his goodness for what he loved, Harvey compromised who he was for the sake of what he wanted. Harvey didn't understand what love was.
Not my most coherent thoughts, but it's early on a Saturday morning.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Husbands and Wives
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body." Ephesians 5:21-30
So as I prepare to become a husband, I am learning much about this passage that Paul shared with the people of Ephesus. There are many who hate this passage, as it has been used to abuse so many women and cause much harm in marriages. However, that was not Paul's intent when he wrote this letter. In fact, it was quite the opposite.
Julie has been going through a difficult time lately. Some deep wounds from her past have been opened and it has been hard for her. At times she feels bad because she feels like she is hurting me, or she becomes afraid that because of some of the things that have come to the surface that I might run away from her. However, as I have seen the pain the woman I love has been going through the opposite has happened. I see the woman I love hurting and I want to comfort her and protect her. I want to fight for her heart and stand next to her as she goes through this difficult time. I have found that I consider it a joy, honor, and privilege to be by her side through this. You see, I get to be Jesus to her.
So imagine that one day Tony Dungy calls you up and says "Hey, Peyton can't plan in the game on Sunday. Can you fill in for him?" I imagine that most people would jump at the chance. Well, in a sense God called me up and said "Hey Ben, Jesus is kinda busy trying to work on that nightmare in Darfur. He knows that Julie is hurting and in need of help. Can you cover for Jesus?" What an honor to go as a representative of Jesus. That was what Paul meant when he called husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. God has called men to be Jesus to their wives. Now that's a pretty high calling for men, and men are not typically well known for knowing how to handle a woman's heart. That's why God gave us the Holy Spirit, He knew that men needed God in them to do what the men couldn't do on their own. But men need to have the heart of loving and serving their wife, protecting them and honoring them and being Jesus to them. And because God has entrusted the hearts of their wives to them, we are going to be held accountable for how we cared for their hearts. While we speak of giving our hearts to our loved one, in truth they are just on loan. Julie's heart does not fully belong to me, it belongs to God and He has entrusted it to my care. Some day I have to give her heart back to God when He calls her home to be with Him. I'm going to have to answer about how I cared for her heart. If I have abused and mistreated it, God will not be happy with me. But if I have honored and protected it, I not only will have the joy of God saying to me "well done good and faithful servant", I also get the joy of experiencing everything Julie's whole and healed heart has to offer. So more than anything, I want to protect and honor and care for Julie's heart in every way that I can. As her heart goes through this healing process, it is my joy to walk with her through this. I get to be Jesus to her, I get to love her, I get to be a part of God working in her life, I get the joy of sharing in her healed heart once God has taken her through this healing process.
As to the "wives submit to your husbands" part that is abused and hated, I think it is viewed that way because not enough men have loved their wives correctly. If a woman knew that her heart was totally loved, cherished, protected, and safe, then she would trust her husband. Especially because the husband did not act in his own best interest, but in the interest of his wife.
I really believe that the foundational passage for marriage is actually Philippians 2:1-8
"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!"
If a husband and wife truly became one, always putting the other ahead of themselves, then we would be following the example of Christ and how He loved the church. Loving your spouse is not about getting what you want, but seeking the best for the other. It's about being Jesus to each other. So often we see that as a duty, but if we are loving with Christ's love then we find joy in that.
I'm still new at this stuff and still figuring it out. I know that I'm not always going to be perfect in loving. But as I watch my bride to be, my heart longs to love her as Jesus loves her, to see God's power work in her that she would be healed and whole and experiencing all that God has created her to be. It's my honor and privilege to be by her side, to get a front row seat to seeing the Glory of God at work in her life.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body." Ephesians 5:21-30
So as I prepare to become a husband, I am learning much about this passage that Paul shared with the people of Ephesus. There are many who hate this passage, as it has been used to abuse so many women and cause much harm in marriages. However, that was not Paul's intent when he wrote this letter. In fact, it was quite the opposite.
Julie has been going through a difficult time lately. Some deep wounds from her past have been opened and it has been hard for her. At times she feels bad because she feels like she is hurting me, or she becomes afraid that because of some of the things that have come to the surface that I might run away from her. However, as I have seen the pain the woman I love has been going through the opposite has happened. I see the woman I love hurting and I want to comfort her and protect her. I want to fight for her heart and stand next to her as she goes through this difficult time. I have found that I consider it a joy, honor, and privilege to be by her side through this. You see, I get to be Jesus to her.
So imagine that one day Tony Dungy calls you up and says "Hey, Peyton can't plan in the game on Sunday. Can you fill in for him?" I imagine that most people would jump at the chance. Well, in a sense God called me up and said "Hey Ben, Jesus is kinda busy trying to work on that nightmare in Darfur. He knows that Julie is hurting and in need of help. Can you cover for Jesus?" What an honor to go as a representative of Jesus. That was what Paul meant when he called husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. God has called men to be Jesus to their wives. Now that's a pretty high calling for men, and men are not typically well known for knowing how to handle a woman's heart. That's why God gave us the Holy Spirit, He knew that men needed God in them to do what the men couldn't do on their own. But men need to have the heart of loving and serving their wife, protecting them and honoring them and being Jesus to them. And because God has entrusted the hearts of their wives to them, we are going to be held accountable for how we cared for their hearts. While we speak of giving our hearts to our loved one, in truth they are just on loan. Julie's heart does not fully belong to me, it belongs to God and He has entrusted it to my care. Some day I have to give her heart back to God when He calls her home to be with Him. I'm going to have to answer about how I cared for her heart. If I have abused and mistreated it, God will not be happy with me. But if I have honored and protected it, I not only will have the joy of God saying to me "well done good and faithful servant", I also get the joy of experiencing everything Julie's whole and healed heart has to offer. So more than anything, I want to protect and honor and care for Julie's heart in every way that I can. As her heart goes through this healing process, it is my joy to walk with her through this. I get to be Jesus to her, I get to love her, I get to be a part of God working in her life, I get the joy of sharing in her healed heart once God has taken her through this healing process.
As to the "wives submit to your husbands" part that is abused and hated, I think it is viewed that way because not enough men have loved their wives correctly. If a woman knew that her heart was totally loved, cherished, protected, and safe, then she would trust her husband. Especially because the husband did not act in his own best interest, but in the interest of his wife.
I really believe that the foundational passage for marriage is actually Philippians 2:1-8
"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!"
If a husband and wife truly became one, always putting the other ahead of themselves, then we would be following the example of Christ and how He loved the church. Loving your spouse is not about getting what you want, but seeking the best for the other. It's about being Jesus to each other. So often we see that as a duty, but if we are loving with Christ's love then we find joy in that.
I'm still new at this stuff and still figuring it out. I know that I'm not always going to be perfect in loving. But as I watch my bride to be, my heart longs to love her as Jesus loves her, to see God's power work in her that she would be healed and whole and experiencing all that God has created her to be. It's my honor and privilege to be by her side, to get a front row seat to seeing the Glory of God at work in her life.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Defining Ourselves
We all seek to come up with a definition for ourselves. We search for some kind of identity so that when we meet someone new we can give them some kind of definition about who we are and our place in the world. Maybe we are known as the die hard Colts fan. Maybe we are known as the pious religious person. Maybe we are the best kayaker in the world. Maybe we are the person suffering from cancer. Whatever it is, we search for some identity to define who we are so that people know our place in the world. However, after a while these definitions truly do begin to define us. We find that we don't know what to do if that definition is threatened. What happens when the team we identify with comes in last place for the season? What happens when our religious appearance is found to be a cover for shameful things? What happens when someone else kayaks a more extreme river? The problem with the definitions we come up with ourselves is that we have to defend those definitions. We have to prove we deserve to be defined with that title. We find that we have to defend that identity as something worth identifying with. If we don't defend that identity, then we have no worth. So we must defend our identity at all costs.
Our identity can create a prison for us. If we define ourselves as a failure, then we will never believe we can succeed. If we define ourselves as an angry person, it's only natural that we're going to be angry. If we define ourselves as an unloved person, we will never be able to allow anyone to love us. If we define ourselves as a reject, we'll never be accepted. I think in this issue lies one of the great failures of those who follow Jesus Christ in loving those who struggle with homosexuality. (saying this as an ignorant outsider) it appears that many of those who struggle with homosexuality identify themselves as gay. It reaches the place where they identify themselves with their sin, so when Christians make strong claims denouncing the sin, they denounce the people who identify themselves that way. This also becomes the prison that keeps them from walking away from sin, because it means they have to walk away from their identity. I think Christians need to take a stand against all sin, and not just focus on one or two that have been identified as the worst. All have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God, let's stop picking on just a few.
When Jesus came to save us, it wasn't merely to get an entrance pass to Heaven. He came that we may have life in this world, and that we would experience life as He meant for us to have when He placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. He also came that we may have a new identity. Not a fragile one that we have to defend and fight for, but one in which He gives us an identity that He has created for us. We don't have to defend this identity because we didn't choose it. We didn't receive this identity because of anything we did or anything we do. We simply receive this identity for accepting the gift of life that Jesus offered us when He purchased our lives on the Cross. As we accept this identity, it forms who we are. Our heart is transformed to live out that new identity. Our life changes such that we stop worrying about protecting our identity and we fully live out our identity. Our other identities fall away and lose their hold on us. We may be able to enjoy the things that came with that identity, but they do not control us. The sin we identified with falls away. The fear of losing our identity falls away. We are able to live life without worrying about what other people think of us or how they define us, because we are defined by Someone greater than us, greater than them, and greater than the world.We would view this world so differently if we knew our identity. It would change our lives.
We also have to know the identity of Him who defines us. Many times our failure as those who follow Jesus is that our God is too small. We think of God as the eternal party pooper, out to ruin any kind of fun. Or we think of God as angry and vengeful. Or we think of Jesus as the first century version of Mr. Rogers. We need to know who God really is, because if we really knew who God was then we wouldn't be afraid of trusting Him with defining who we are and allowing Him to form us into who He created us to be.
Our problem isn't that our definition of ourselves is too big, our problem is that our definition of ourselves is too small. We have sought a lead role in the play and it turns out that we've chosen to be the pimply faced kid working the concession stand in the lobby. We still want to think we're important and valuable, but the popcorn is too expensive and we'll be replaced by someone else next week anyway. God wants to offer us a part in the play. He won't give us the lead role, that is His position and He's best at it. But He wants to bring us into the story and allow us to play an important role.
Our identity can create a prison for us. If we define ourselves as a failure, then we will never believe we can succeed. If we define ourselves as an angry person, it's only natural that we're going to be angry. If we define ourselves as an unloved person, we will never be able to allow anyone to love us. If we define ourselves as a reject, we'll never be accepted. I think in this issue lies one of the great failures of those who follow Jesus Christ in loving those who struggle with homosexuality. (saying this as an ignorant outsider) it appears that many of those who struggle with homosexuality identify themselves as gay. It reaches the place where they identify themselves with their sin, so when Christians make strong claims denouncing the sin, they denounce the people who identify themselves that way. This also becomes the prison that keeps them from walking away from sin, because it means they have to walk away from their identity. I think Christians need to take a stand against all sin, and not just focus on one or two that have been identified as the worst. All have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God, let's stop picking on just a few.
When Jesus came to save us, it wasn't merely to get an entrance pass to Heaven. He came that we may have life in this world, and that we would experience life as He meant for us to have when He placed Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. He also came that we may have a new identity. Not a fragile one that we have to defend and fight for, but one in which He gives us an identity that He has created for us. We don't have to defend this identity because we didn't choose it. We didn't receive this identity because of anything we did or anything we do. We simply receive this identity for accepting the gift of life that Jesus offered us when He purchased our lives on the Cross. As we accept this identity, it forms who we are. Our heart is transformed to live out that new identity. Our life changes such that we stop worrying about protecting our identity and we fully live out our identity. Our other identities fall away and lose their hold on us. We may be able to enjoy the things that came with that identity, but they do not control us. The sin we identified with falls away. The fear of losing our identity falls away. We are able to live life without worrying about what other people think of us or how they define us, because we are defined by Someone greater than us, greater than them, and greater than the world.We would view this world so differently if we knew our identity. It would change our lives.
We also have to know the identity of Him who defines us. Many times our failure as those who follow Jesus is that our God is too small. We think of God as the eternal party pooper, out to ruin any kind of fun. Or we think of God as angry and vengeful. Or we think of Jesus as the first century version of Mr. Rogers. We need to know who God really is, because if we really knew who God was then we wouldn't be afraid of trusting Him with defining who we are and allowing Him to form us into who He created us to be.
Our problem isn't that our definition of ourselves is too big, our problem is that our definition of ourselves is too small. We have sought a lead role in the play and it turns out that we've chosen to be the pimply faced kid working the concession stand in the lobby. We still want to think we're important and valuable, but the popcorn is too expensive and we'll be replaced by someone else next week anyway. God wants to offer us a part in the play. He won't give us the lead role, that is His position and He's best at it. But He wants to bring us into the story and allow us to play an important role.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Engagement Story!
Friday night Julie and I got engaged!
Here's the basic story of how things played out:
April 4 my dad and I drove down to Vincennes, Indiana to see my cousin-in-law, Travis Piper, who happens to be a jeweler. Julie was going to see a Carrie Underwood concert with Emily, and then was going to come over to my place Saturday morning for some kayaking that weekend. Travis helped me pick out a ring, and my cousin Andrea was there with their new baby. My dad was happy to get to hold baby Dayton. While Travis was sizing the ring, I get this text message from Julie that says "Why do I have a feeling that you are being sneaky? :)" My dad and I realize that we are busted and we work on a cover story.
Fast forward 2 weeks, Julie is supposed to spend Saturday and Sunday with her best friend, Michelle, who is getting married in October and Julie is maid of honor. So Friday I drive down to Newport, Kentucky (across the Ohio from Cincinnati) and we spend the afternoon at the
aquarium and just hanging out. Afterwards I was supposed to drive back to Indy just to chill at home for the weekend. However, Julie didn't know that I drove to Dayton so that Saturday I could meet with her parents, her twin brother, and her house church leaders to ask for
their blessing in asking Julie's hand in marriage. I had wonderful conversations with each of them and went home feeling very blessed and encouraged by them.
So by this time Julie is getting excited and thinks she knows something is coming, and I'm excited and have had a ring burning a hole in my pocket. But before I even bought the ring I had already picked out the time and the place. We were to go whitewater rafting on the Lower New River near Fayetteville, West Virginia on May 3. That just seemed like a great time for it. Then after getting home from Dayton the weekend before I bought the ring, I remembered
something. Three years ago I had spent a week out in West Virginia as a vacation/spiritual retreat. I had gone out to a place called Diamond Point to watch the sunset, and while there I had spent some time with God and had journaled some. God reminded me about this time
and I knew that this journal entry was meant for this moment. So West Virginia it was.
So getting ready for going to West Virginia I had to figure out the best way to get her out to this place and set things up. I decided to avoid making it complicated, we had a couple of friends ride out with us. I filled in Steve on the plans, but I didn't fill in Jaime. I also asked one of our kayaking friends to join us for the moment. I stressed all week about whether we were going to get to West Virginia before it was dark. Plan B was to take her out there Saturday night, but there was a 70% chance of thunderstorms. Plan C was to take her out there Sunday morning for the sunrise. So I got off work at 11:15 on Friday and drove over to pick Steve up. We took off for Dayton and got there early. It took a bit to load up, but we took off for West
Virginia and I'm praying we get there in time. We made really good time to West Virginia and got there at about 6:30. For the most part I was managing to play it cool, though my worry came out a few times here and there. We met up with Barry, our kayaking friend, at the
trail head and took off for Diamond Point. We arrived and all took time to enjoy the view. Barry and Steve knew the plan, so they wandered off. It took a moment to get Jaime to give us some time, but she joined the guys and we had a moment alone.
We sat on a rock overlooking the New River Gorge and watched for a moment. Then I pulled out the paper and asked if I could share with her something I had written 3 years before. I read it to her, and my voice was pretty shaky. I finished and she said she loved it and asked if she could keep it, she didn't realize what was going on. I ignored her question and told her that I had known she was the one I wanted to spend my life with since our date at Splashin' Safari, and that her parents, her brother, and her house church leaders had given their blessing. I pulled her to her feet, and away from the edge of the cliff, and got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. She said yes! We shared a moment of hugging (we're saving our first kiss
for our wedding day) and just held each other. After a while the others joined us, and Julie and Jaime went nuts. We took some pictures, tried to recreate the scene for the camera, and just
celebrated for a bit. Then we hiked back and went to dinner.
Some fun things that don't really fit in the story, but are worth sharing:
A couple of weeks before I asked her, she had mentioned that she might pass out when I asked her. So I had to make sure she was away from the edge of the cliff when I asked.
I was worried that it would be impossible to get the ring off her finger for rafting, so I bought her a fake ring to wear on the river. This was Sarah's idea, and a good one.
I think my favorite moment of excitement was on the river she's asking me whether I liked candy apple red or sage green for her colors, right as we're coming up on a Class IV rapid.
Conclusion:
I am so blessed that Julie is going to be my wife. She is an incredible woman of beauty, intelligence, character, love, mercy, and grace. Most of all I see that she is a godly woman who lives out her faith in a way that touches the life of each person she meets, especially me. I am unworthy of her love, and I pray that God will teach me how to love her well. I am excited about our future together and I look forward to knowing her more each day.
I also want to say thanks to all the people who have been such a blessing to us. To all the people who have helped shape Julie into the incredible woman she is, and who continue to encourage her and support her as she continues to grow into who God created her to be. Also, to all the people who have supported me and blessed me as God has continued to grow me and shape me. The most important people in our lives, after Jesus Christ, are our friends.
Above all, we pray that our relationship is a testimony to Jesus Christ and His work in our lives. That He is the foundation of our lives and our relationship. God has worked in each of our lives in ways that has transformed us, and we know that He has authored our love story. Our prayer, and we ask each of you to pray, that He would continue to be the center of our lives and our relationship until we go to be with Him some day. We also pray that our lives can be used to show all those we love, those who believe and those who don't, that Jesus Christ is real, that He loves us, and that we have a Hope that is greater than anything this world has to offer.
We love you all!
Here's the basic story of how things played out:
April 4 my dad and I drove down to Vincennes, Indiana to see my cousin-in-law, Travis Piper, who happens to be a jeweler. Julie was going to see a Carrie Underwood concert with Emily, and then was going to come over to my place Saturday morning for some kayaking that weekend. Travis helped me pick out a ring, and my cousin Andrea was there with their new baby. My dad was happy to get to hold baby Dayton. While Travis was sizing the ring, I get this text message from Julie that says "Why do I have a feeling that you are being sneaky? :)" My dad and I realize that we are busted and we work on a cover story.
Fast forward 2 weeks, Julie is supposed to spend Saturday and Sunday with her best friend, Michelle, who is getting married in October and Julie is maid of honor. So Friday I drive down to Newport, Kentucky (across the Ohio from Cincinnati) and we spend the afternoon at the
aquarium and just hanging out. Afterwards I was supposed to drive back to Indy just to chill at home for the weekend. However, Julie didn't know that I drove to Dayton so that Saturday I could meet with her parents, her twin brother, and her house church leaders to ask for
their blessing in asking Julie's hand in marriage. I had wonderful conversations with each of them and went home feeling very blessed and encouraged by them.
So by this time Julie is getting excited and thinks she knows something is coming, and I'm excited and have had a ring burning a hole in my pocket. But before I even bought the ring I had already picked out the time and the place. We were to go whitewater rafting on the Lower New River near Fayetteville, West Virginia on May 3. That just seemed like a great time for it. Then after getting home from Dayton the weekend before I bought the ring, I remembered
something. Three years ago I had spent a week out in West Virginia as a vacation/spiritual retreat. I had gone out to a place called Diamond Point to watch the sunset, and while there I had spent some time with God and had journaled some. God reminded me about this time
and I knew that this journal entry was meant for this moment. So West Virginia it was.
So getting ready for going to West Virginia I had to figure out the best way to get her out to this place and set things up. I decided to avoid making it complicated, we had a couple of friends ride out with us. I filled in Steve on the plans, but I didn't fill in Jaime. I also asked one of our kayaking friends to join us for the moment. I stressed all week about whether we were going to get to West Virginia before it was dark. Plan B was to take her out there Saturday night, but there was a 70% chance of thunderstorms. Plan C was to take her out there Sunday morning for the sunrise. So I got off work at 11:15 on Friday and drove over to pick Steve up. We took off for Dayton and got there early. It took a bit to load up, but we took off for West
Virginia and I'm praying we get there in time. We made really good time to West Virginia and got there at about 6:30. For the most part I was managing to play it cool, though my worry came out a few times here and there. We met up with Barry, our kayaking friend, at the
trail head and took off for Diamond Point. We arrived and all took time to enjoy the view. Barry and Steve knew the plan, so they wandered off. It took a moment to get Jaime to give us some time, but she joined the guys and we had a moment alone.
We sat on a rock overlooking the New River Gorge and watched for a moment. Then I pulled out the paper and asked if I could share with her something I had written 3 years before. I read it to her, and my voice was pretty shaky. I finished and she said she loved it and asked if she could keep it, she didn't realize what was going on. I ignored her question and told her that I had known she was the one I wanted to spend my life with since our date at Splashin' Safari, and that her parents, her brother, and her house church leaders had given their blessing. I pulled her to her feet, and away from the edge of the cliff, and got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. She said yes! We shared a moment of hugging (we're saving our first kiss
for our wedding day) and just held each other. After a while the others joined us, and Julie and Jaime went nuts. We took some pictures, tried to recreate the scene for the camera, and just
celebrated for a bit. Then we hiked back and went to dinner.
Some fun things that don't really fit in the story, but are worth sharing:
A couple of weeks before I asked her, she had mentioned that she might pass out when I asked her. So I had to make sure she was away from the edge of the cliff when I asked.
I was worried that it would be impossible to get the ring off her finger for rafting, so I bought her a fake ring to wear on the river. This was Sarah's idea, and a good one.
I think my favorite moment of excitement was on the river she's asking me whether I liked candy apple red or sage green for her colors, right as we're coming up on a Class IV rapid.
Conclusion:
I am so blessed that Julie is going to be my wife. She is an incredible woman of beauty, intelligence, character, love, mercy, and grace. Most of all I see that she is a godly woman who lives out her faith in a way that touches the life of each person she meets, especially me. I am unworthy of her love, and I pray that God will teach me how to love her well. I am excited about our future together and I look forward to knowing her more each day.
I also want to say thanks to all the people who have been such a blessing to us. To all the people who have helped shape Julie into the incredible woman she is, and who continue to encourage her and support her as she continues to grow into who God created her to be. Also, to all the people who have supported me and blessed me as God has continued to grow me and shape me. The most important people in our lives, after Jesus Christ, are our friends.
Above all, we pray that our relationship is a testimony to Jesus Christ and His work in our lives. That He is the foundation of our lives and our relationship. God has worked in each of our lives in ways that has transformed us, and we know that He has authored our love story. Our prayer, and we ask each of you to pray, that He would continue to be the center of our lives and our relationship until we go to be with Him some day. We also pray that our lives can be used to show all those we love, those who believe and those who don't, that Jesus Christ is real, that He loves us, and that we have a Hope that is greater than anything this world has to offer.
We love you all!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Creation
I was listening to the Mars Hill sermon podcast (Seattle) and Mark Driscoll presented an incredible thought about creation.
For all of creation, God spoke things into existence. He said "Let there be....." and it was created. But when He got to man and woman, He came down and formed us with His own hands. That is how special we are to Him.
"Oh yes, You shaped me first inside, then out;
You formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank You, High God—You're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
You know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, You watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before You,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day."
For all of creation, God spoke things into existence. He said "Let there be....." and it was created. But when He got to man and woman, He came down and formed us with His own hands. That is how special we are to Him.
"Oh yes, You shaped me first inside, then out;
You formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank You, High God—You're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
You know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, You watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before You,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day."
Psalm 139:13-15 (The Message)
Monday, April 7, 2008
What is love?
The greatest commandment that Jesus gave us is to love God and to love others. Right now I'm having a really hard time loving. In fact, I'd really love to just tear into someone right now. But I know I need to love them, and that's really hard. We so often have this concept of love that says "I'm going to feel warm and fuzzy about this person." But real love is displayed when things are hard and we choose to love anyways. I was looking at 1 Corinthians 13 and I think that if we consider what is written there, it makes it plain to us:
"Love never gives up"
Sometimes we're going to want to give up. But love says that we're going to stick with it, despite how we feel.
"Love cares more for others than for self"
There are going to be times when I really want to take care of myself, screw everyone else. But I'm really showing love if I choose to care for them over myself.
"Love doesn't want what it doesn't have"
There's going to be times when we want the last piece of pizza and someone else wants the last piece of pizza. Love is letting them having it. In every relationship we're going to be jealous of the other person, love is being happy for them that they have it.
"Love doesn't strut"
When we win the game we don't shove it in the face of the other person, we encourage them and lift them up. We are going to have times where we want to be in the center ring, love is choosing to be the side show so others can have the center ring.
"Doesn't have a swelled head"
We're going to have times when we think we're the smartest, but love is setting aside our vast knowledge so the other person feels valued and they are given the chance to share what they have to offer.
"Doesn't force itself on others"
There's going to be times when we want to be close to someone and we hunt them like a lion. Love is giving them the space and freedom not to be hunted, but they are allowed to return their love freely
"Isn't always me first"
There's going to be times when we want to be first, love is letting others be first.
"Doesn't fly off the handle"
We're going to want to fly off the handle and tear into someone. Love is keeping those things under control so that when we speak we are seeking healing for the relationship and the other person knows that, even if we are upset with them, that we care for them and love them.
"Doesn't keep score of the sins of others"
So many times we keep a score card of how many times another person has hurt us. While it is unhealthy to allow ourselves to be continually abused, love is giving someone a clean slate so that the relationship can heal.
"Doesn't revel when others grovel"
There will be times when other people are at our mercy. We have the opportunity to take full advantage of those times, or we have the opportunity to lift them up and restore them to an equal relationship with us.
"Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth"
Let's face it, truth is hard. So many times we don't want to speak truth to someone when we know they won't like it. It's also hard to hear the truth when it is someone telling us how jacked up we are. But love says that we speak truth gently so that we can help each other and that bonds of trust can be built. Without trust, there is no relationship.
"Puts up with anything"
In a relationship, anything and everything will happen. Love says that we'll stick with it even when it is hard.
"Trust God always"
To love and to be loved is to make ourselves vulnerable. We are giving people access to our heart, and sometimes people hurt us. We have to trust God that He loves us more than any of us love each other, and that He will protect us, He will heal us, and He will restore us.
"Always looks for the best"
Sometimes the bad things will shine like the lights of Vegas. Love is looking for the pretty flower growing in a patch of grass and remembering that despite all the bad we see, good things are there. In the end, the good will overcome the bad. We have hold onto that if we are going to love.
"Never looks back"
There are going to be times when we wish for the good ol' days, but love holds onto hope that whatever the relationship, things will be better.
"but keeps going to the end"
We live in a world that gives up when something is hard. Love is not a warm, fuzzy feeling. It is a commitment to a relationship and a promise that we will work through all things no matter how hard it is. Love is the one thing that can overcome everything else, but love has to be more than a feeling for that to work.
*****************************
Sin has corrupted what we know about love. The movies sell it as something cheap and easy. The world says that it's all about you. But in truth, love is all about someone else if it is going to be the love that the Bible promises us. God is love, and to prove that He gave everything to pursue us. He wants us to receive that love, and to share it with others. When people ask why I believe in God, it's because I've experienced His love. My hope is that maybe, in some small way, I can share that love with someone else. I'm really struggling to love, it doesn't come natural. But I want to and I pray that maybe God's love can overflow in my life in some small way.
"Love never gives up"
Sometimes we're going to want to give up. But love says that we're going to stick with it, despite how we feel.
"Love cares more for others than for self"
There are going to be times when I really want to take care of myself, screw everyone else. But I'm really showing love if I choose to care for them over myself.
"Love doesn't want what it doesn't have"
There's going to be times when we want the last piece of pizza and someone else wants the last piece of pizza. Love is letting them having it. In every relationship we're going to be jealous of the other person, love is being happy for them that they have it.
"Love doesn't strut"
When we win the game we don't shove it in the face of the other person, we encourage them and lift them up. We are going to have times where we want to be in the center ring, love is choosing to be the side show so others can have the center ring.
"Doesn't have a swelled head"
We're going to have times when we think we're the smartest, but love is setting aside our vast knowledge so the other person feels valued and they are given the chance to share what they have to offer.
"Doesn't force itself on others"
There's going to be times when we want to be close to someone and we hunt them like a lion. Love is giving them the space and freedom not to be hunted, but they are allowed to return their love freely
"Isn't always me first"
There's going to be times when we want to be first, love is letting others be first.
"Doesn't fly off the handle"
We're going to want to fly off the handle and tear into someone. Love is keeping those things under control so that when we speak we are seeking healing for the relationship and the other person knows that, even if we are upset with them, that we care for them and love them.
"Doesn't keep score of the sins of others"
So many times we keep a score card of how many times another person has hurt us. While it is unhealthy to allow ourselves to be continually abused, love is giving someone a clean slate so that the relationship can heal.
"Doesn't revel when others grovel"
There will be times when other people are at our mercy. We have the opportunity to take full advantage of those times, or we have the opportunity to lift them up and restore them to an equal relationship with us.
"Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth"
Let's face it, truth is hard. So many times we don't want to speak truth to someone when we know they won't like it. It's also hard to hear the truth when it is someone telling us how jacked up we are. But love says that we speak truth gently so that we can help each other and that bonds of trust can be built. Without trust, there is no relationship.
"Puts up with anything"
In a relationship, anything and everything will happen. Love says that we'll stick with it even when it is hard.
"Trust God always"
To love and to be loved is to make ourselves vulnerable. We are giving people access to our heart, and sometimes people hurt us. We have to trust God that He loves us more than any of us love each other, and that He will protect us, He will heal us, and He will restore us.
"Always looks for the best"
Sometimes the bad things will shine like the lights of Vegas. Love is looking for the pretty flower growing in a patch of grass and remembering that despite all the bad we see, good things are there. In the end, the good will overcome the bad. We have hold onto that if we are going to love.
"Never looks back"
There are going to be times when we wish for the good ol' days, but love holds onto hope that whatever the relationship, things will be better.
"but keeps going to the end"
We live in a world that gives up when something is hard. Love is not a warm, fuzzy feeling. It is a commitment to a relationship and a promise that we will work through all things no matter how hard it is. Love is the one thing that can overcome everything else, but love has to be more than a feeling for that to work.
*****************************
Sin has corrupted what we know about love. The movies sell it as something cheap and easy. The world says that it's all about you. But in truth, love is all about someone else if it is going to be the love that the Bible promises us. God is love, and to prove that He gave everything to pursue us. He wants us to receive that love, and to share it with others. When people ask why I believe in God, it's because I've experienced His love. My hope is that maybe, in some small way, I can share that love with someone else. I'm really struggling to love, it doesn't come natural. But I want to and I pray that maybe God's love can overflow in my life in some small way.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
RE: Another fun survey :)
1. WHO WERE YOU NAMED AFTER?
Benjamin in the Bible, I think
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I started to get a little choked up when watching "Epic Live" on Saturday night, I can't wait for Heaven!
3. Do you like your handwriting
Nope
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I'd probably bug the snot out of me.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT?
Never!
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
No
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I might be talked into it
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
It's been so long since I've had cereal that I don't know anymore.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yes
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
In some ways
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Mint Chocolate Chip
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Face
15. RED OR PINK?
Red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU?
I need to be in better shape
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST
Julie
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
I always enjoy reading people's responses
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
blue jeans and brown trail running shoes
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Dilly bar :)
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
My coworkers talking
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Probably a beige color
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Walking into my grandparent's house when things have been cooking
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Some guy from Verizon who wanted me to upgrade my phone
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
I like her, I like her a lot :)
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Combat kayaking :)
27. HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown
28. EYE COLOR?
dark brown
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
It varies, big fan of lasagna, pizza, and steak
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I like real life stories, they tend to vary
U2-3D with Julie, and it was her idea :)
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
dark blue with black
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Spring and fall
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Yes please! But I'm waiting to kiss until I'm married
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Chocolate chip cookies or ice cream
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Not sure
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND
Everyone
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
at work it is the Gateway power button
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
caught up on Lost
42. FAVORITE SOUND?
Julie's voice, being out in nature
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Cream and Jimi Hendrix
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Whoever wants to respond
Friday, March 7, 2008
Safe in an empty castle
Once there was a man who ruled over a small village in the mountains. He lived in the castle above the village where he could look down over his people. He loved his people and the people loved him. His castle was open and everyone on the country knew him to be an open and generous host. All was well and life was good. Then one day he had to make a difficult decision. This decision made the people of the town angry and the mob chased the man back into his castle. He bolted the doors and hid by himself in his castle. He hid there for years, afraid that the mob was going to come for him. The people of the town had soon forgotten the offense and went on with life. But their life was not as good, because this good man was still hiding in his castle. After many years of fear and misery, the man got tired of living safe in an empty castle. He decided to go down to the village and apologize. He was still afraid the people would hurt him, but he decided that being hurt by the people would be less painful than the fear and isolation he had suffered with for years. He stood in the town square and apologized to the people. The people quickly forgave him and restored him. The castle was reopened and all were welcome again. The man was happy and the people were happy, life was good again.
I think sometimes one of the hardest things for any of us is to allow ourselves to be loved and to be forgiven. We feel like we screwed up and people are angry and we run away. Sometimes there is pain and anger, but among people who really love each other such wrongs can be quickly forgiven and let go of. Many times we refuse to accept that love and forgiveness, we isolate ourselves to protect ourselves and find out that we may be "safe" but were are alone. Love is a risky business, if we are going to have a life full of love and people we are going to have to risk, no only that someone would hurt us but that we would hurt someone else. Jesus told us to love others as we love ourselves, but sometimes the converse is the hardest. We have to love ourselves, and be loved, as we love others. If someone wrongs me I can usually forgive and move on easily. But if I hurt someone else I often beat myself up. It can be easier to love other people because then we're "right" and "good" and "better", it helps our pride. But to allow others to love us, especially when we have wronged someone, puts us in a place of humility, vulnerability, and weakness. But that is the place we must be in order to walk with Jesus. To know the Grace of God we have to know that we need that Grace. Jesus preferred time with the "sinners" over the "righteous" because the "sinners" knew they needed Grace, they were humble and open to receiving God's love.
Sometimes I have to be reminded that I have to come out of my castle, to remember that people love me and care for me, even when I have wronged them. Being humble and vulnerable with people is much better than being "safe" by myself.
I think sometimes one of the hardest things for any of us is to allow ourselves to be loved and to be forgiven. We feel like we screwed up and people are angry and we run away. Sometimes there is pain and anger, but among people who really love each other such wrongs can be quickly forgiven and let go of. Many times we refuse to accept that love and forgiveness, we isolate ourselves to protect ourselves and find out that we may be "safe" but were are alone. Love is a risky business, if we are going to have a life full of love and people we are going to have to risk, no only that someone would hurt us but that we would hurt someone else. Jesus told us to love others as we love ourselves, but sometimes the converse is the hardest. We have to love ourselves, and be loved, as we love others. If someone wrongs me I can usually forgive and move on easily. But if I hurt someone else I often beat myself up. It can be easier to love other people because then we're "right" and "good" and "better", it helps our pride. But to allow others to love us, especially when we have wronged someone, puts us in a place of humility, vulnerability, and weakness. But that is the place we must be in order to walk with Jesus. To know the Grace of God we have to know that we need that Grace. Jesus preferred time with the "sinners" over the "righteous" because the "sinners" knew they needed Grace, they were humble and open to receiving God's love.
Sometimes I have to be reminded that I have to come out of my castle, to remember that people love me and care for me, even when I have wronged them. Being humble and vulnerable with people is much better than being "safe" by myself.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Balance?
So tomorrow I'm leaving with Julie to go to Oregon for 5 or 6 days. We're really excited to go. We've both been on the go a lot lately and a change of scenery will be nice.
I caught a moment to breathe after Christmas, and then things went crazy. I've been putting in extra hours at work and it's been wearing me down. I've been out of town every weekend to spend time with Julie in Dayton. That has been good, but it has kept me busy. Life has just been very full.
It has been an odd time also. About a month ago my house church dissolved. We just hit the point where we had too few members and too few leadership. Though I love the people in my house church, it's actually been a relief. I've been in leadership in house church for 6 years and, in all honesty, I just burned out. For the last several months it has felt like anything to do with church or house church has been a job. I don't want it to be a job, I want that to be something I love and take joy in. Church is about growing in our relationship with Jesus and loving others. But sometimes you just have to take a break to refocus and recharge. So for the last few weeks I haven't been attending house church (haven't made it to Common Ground either, I've been in Dayton so I've been at Apex). I'm starting to miss it and it's a good feeling. I'll get plugged in again once I get back from Oregon.
I'm excited for spring. I'm excited to kayak again, I so can't wait. The last two Sundays I've been at the pool and it has felt wonderful. It's just a nice way to blow off some steam and have fun. I've met some cool new people over in Dayton. I know the Class II paddlers in the HCC are excited for a big season. One month until the Big Pine!
God just continues to bless me with Julie. What an incredible woman. I have to say that I got more than I bargained for when I met her :)
I feel like this is just all incoherent rambling, and I guess that says something about my mental state. Right now there's a need to restore the balance in my life.
Pray for us as we're in Oregon. Other than a day out at the coast, we don't have a plan. Just wherever God leads us. My brother and his wife are going to join us for a few days. We just want to enjoy the city and get to know it some. That as we live out who God made us to be, that people would see God's image in us.
Pray for us also as Julie and I are talking about taking the step of living in the same city. So we're seeking what that is going to look like. Indianapolis? Dayton? Somewhere else? Fun stuff like Julie selling her house, at least one of us finding a new job, a change in community. It's exciting to think about, but also a bit scary.
OK, I'm done rambling.
I caught a moment to breathe after Christmas, and then things went crazy. I've been putting in extra hours at work and it's been wearing me down. I've been out of town every weekend to spend time with Julie in Dayton. That has been good, but it has kept me busy. Life has just been very full.
It has been an odd time also. About a month ago my house church dissolved. We just hit the point where we had too few members and too few leadership. Though I love the people in my house church, it's actually been a relief. I've been in leadership in house church for 6 years and, in all honesty, I just burned out. For the last several months it has felt like anything to do with church or house church has been a job. I don't want it to be a job, I want that to be something I love and take joy in. Church is about growing in our relationship with Jesus and loving others. But sometimes you just have to take a break to refocus and recharge. So for the last few weeks I haven't been attending house church (haven't made it to Common Ground either, I've been in Dayton so I've been at Apex). I'm starting to miss it and it's a good feeling. I'll get plugged in again once I get back from Oregon.
I'm excited for spring. I'm excited to kayak again, I so can't wait. The last two Sundays I've been at the pool and it has felt wonderful. It's just a nice way to blow off some steam and have fun. I've met some cool new people over in Dayton. I know the Class II paddlers in the HCC are excited for a big season. One month until the Big Pine!
God just continues to bless me with Julie. What an incredible woman. I have to say that I got more than I bargained for when I met her :)
I feel like this is just all incoherent rambling, and I guess that says something about my mental state. Right now there's a need to restore the balance in my life.
Pray for us as we're in Oregon. Other than a day out at the coast, we don't have a plan. Just wherever God leads us. My brother and his wife are going to join us for a few days. We just want to enjoy the city and get to know it some. That as we live out who God made us to be, that people would see God's image in us.
Pray for us also as Julie and I are talking about taking the step of living in the same city. So we're seeking what that is going to look like. Indianapolis? Dayton? Somewhere else? Fun stuff like Julie selling her house, at least one of us finding a new job, a change in community. It's exciting to think about, but also a bit scary.
OK, I'm done rambling.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Valentine's Day (or Singleness Awareness Day)
So I'm sure a few people have noticed that I'm rather smitten with a certain girl. This will be my first time going into Valentine's Day with a girlfriend. While it is a Hallmark holiday and people can go overboard (holy cow Target was crazy tonight), I have been enjoying it.
So I've also spent February 14 as Singleness Awareness Day for many years. Some of those years I was really depressed and lonely, many I really enjoyed.
I'm really blessed to have a wonderful girlfriend and I feel like we have a very healthy and strong relationship. I have gotten far more than I could have dreamed of when I met Julie, and for some reason she likes me too.
I have also been sad to see some people I care a lot about having a lot of troubles in relationships lately too. Pain, heartache, tears, angry words, deep wounds. My heart aches for my friends and I pray for them.
In all of this I am reminded that we can't count on being in a relationship to make us happy. In many ways when we depend on a relationship to make us happy, we will be let down. Too many times people make poor decisions on who to be in a relationship with simply because they are lonely and want someone to make them happy. When that person fails is when all the pain and frustration comes along to attack their hearts. I am a big believer that any time we say "I'd be happy if....." then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and pain. We can't count on a change in our circumstances to make us happy. We have to make the decision to make the best of our circumstances, whatever they may be. Then if we are given the opportunity for a change, we can evaluate whether that change will really be good for us or not. We will have the strength to say "I won't date someone who mistreats me or doesn't respect me." We can say "I have a standard for who I'm willing to be in a relationship with and I won't settle for anything less." It also gives us the strength to say "this dating relationship is not healthy and I'm going to leave rather than cling to someone who isn't God's best for me." One of the best pieces of advice I have ever heart is "you are ready to date when you would rather be alone than be with the wrong person."
Here is my word of encouragement for everyone out there, in a relationship or not. One of the most wonderful things you can do for Valentine's Day is seek to make someone else happy. If you are counting on someone to make you happy, you'll probably be let down. But if you make it your goal to bless someone else, then you will brighten their day and you'll be blessed by it too. For many years I would plan a dinner on Valentine's Day for my friends (single and in relationships, sometimes we actually had married people join us and it was wonderful). I loved those dinners, they were always so much fun. I could see that others really enjoyed it and it blessed me too. Think about a friend that you could send a card or flowers, get your friends together for dinner, just call up someone to let them know you appreciate them. Go to a nursing home and visit some of the lonely people there. Be a blessing to someone, paybacks are Heaven :)
I also really want to encourage everyone to take time to understand what God's best for you is in relationships. Last weekend Julie and I attended the Song of Solomon conference (you know, that sexually explicit book of the Bible that you read as a teen when you were bored in church but still doesn't make any sense) and it was really great. The website for the ministry is http://www.songofsolomon.com/ and I highly encourage everyone to check it out. We were really blessed by it. We ordered the conference CD's so I'll have those to loan out also.
Finally a shout out to my girl. She is a beautiful woman and an incredible woman of character. I am so blessed. It took me 30.5 years to have my first girlfriend, but she has been more than worth the wait. I'm excited to see where God leads us, the first 6 months have been incredible.
I just have to say that this is still one of my favorite photos of Julie. It just shows some of the things that I love about her. Her adventurous spirit, her courage in a challenging situation, her trust in me (even when I'm not always worthy of it), and her being able to put up with a silly guy :)
So I've also spent February 14 as Singleness Awareness Day for many years. Some of those years I was really depressed and lonely, many I really enjoyed.
I'm really blessed to have a wonderful girlfriend and I feel like we have a very healthy and strong relationship. I have gotten far more than I could have dreamed of when I met Julie, and for some reason she likes me too.
I have also been sad to see some people I care a lot about having a lot of troubles in relationships lately too. Pain, heartache, tears, angry words, deep wounds. My heart aches for my friends and I pray for them.
In all of this I am reminded that we can't count on being in a relationship to make us happy. In many ways when we depend on a relationship to make us happy, we will be let down. Too many times people make poor decisions on who to be in a relationship with simply because they are lonely and want someone to make them happy. When that person fails is when all the pain and frustration comes along to attack their hearts. I am a big believer that any time we say "I'd be happy if....." then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and pain. We can't count on a change in our circumstances to make us happy. We have to make the decision to make the best of our circumstances, whatever they may be. Then if we are given the opportunity for a change, we can evaluate whether that change will really be good for us or not. We will have the strength to say "I won't date someone who mistreats me or doesn't respect me." We can say "I have a standard for who I'm willing to be in a relationship with and I won't settle for anything less." It also gives us the strength to say "this dating relationship is not healthy and I'm going to leave rather than cling to someone who isn't God's best for me." One of the best pieces of advice I have ever heart is "you are ready to date when you would rather be alone than be with the wrong person."
Here is my word of encouragement for everyone out there, in a relationship or not. One of the most wonderful things you can do for Valentine's Day is seek to make someone else happy. If you are counting on someone to make you happy, you'll probably be let down. But if you make it your goal to bless someone else, then you will brighten their day and you'll be blessed by it too. For many years I would plan a dinner on Valentine's Day for my friends (single and in relationships, sometimes we actually had married people join us and it was wonderful). I loved those dinners, they were always so much fun. I could see that others really enjoyed it and it blessed me too. Think about a friend that you could send a card or flowers, get your friends together for dinner, just call up someone to let them know you appreciate them. Go to a nursing home and visit some of the lonely people there. Be a blessing to someone, paybacks are Heaven :)
I also really want to encourage everyone to take time to understand what God's best for you is in relationships. Last weekend Julie and I attended the Song of Solomon conference (you know, that sexually explicit book of the Bible that you read as a teen when you were bored in church but still doesn't make any sense) and it was really great. The website for the ministry is http://www.songofsolomon.com/ and I highly encourage everyone to check it out. We were really blessed by it. We ordered the conference CD's so I'll have those to loan out also.
Finally a shout out to my girl. She is a beautiful woman and an incredible woman of character. I am so blessed. It took me 30.5 years to have my first girlfriend, but she has been more than worth the wait. I'm excited to see where God leads us, the first 6 months have been incredible.
I just have to say that this is still one of my favorite photos of Julie. It just shows some of the things that I love about her. Her adventurous spirit, her courage in a challenging situation, her trust in me (even when I'm not always worthy of it), and her being able to put up with a silly guy :)
Monday, February 4, 2008
How's this for messed up?
I'm reading this article in National Geographic Adventure called "Why the bonobos need a radio and other (unlikely) lessons from deepest Congo". It's about researching these apes called bonobos that are supposed to share 98% of human's DNA, they are supposed to be our closest relative (if you buy evolution). This researcher is interested because she thinks that maybe we are more like them, who are non-violent, deal with conflict by having lots of sex, and are matriarchal. Verses chimps who are very violent, often murdering other chimps, and are very patriarchal. A quote is "And I think on some level people can learn from them in that they are like us, or we are like the bonobo." She's essentially looking to find out if people are basically good (like the bonobo) or basically bad (like the chimps). Then later she is referring to a drug-crazed warlord who tortures his victims by putting them in oil drums in the equatorial sun, and how this warlord arrested her and was going to kill her, but came down off his high and let her go. So she says "I was lucky, but that's the risk of working in an environment where human beings slaughter each other without any mercy whatsoever."
So am I the only one that thinks she has the answer to her question about whether people are basically good or basically bad?
So am I the only one that thinks she has the answer to her question about whether people are basically good or basically bad?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Great Divorce
C. S. Lewis wrote a book called The Great Divorce to show the differences between Heaven and Hell. In this fantasy, people take a day trip to the bright borders of heaven. Because Heaven is so real, the people appear as ghosts next to the solidity of heaven and heaven's residents. Heaven's grass even hurts their feet! The following is a passage on lust from The Great Divorce (pp. 98-103). It is an insightful look at how lust consumes us and how difficult it is to deal radically with sexual sin. But the passage also shows how once desire is conquered, it can become a great power to lead us higher into Heaven.
I saw coming towards us a Ghost who carried something on his shoulder. Like all the Ghosts, he was unsubstantial, but they differed from one another as smokes differ. Some had been whitish; this one was dark and oily. What sat on his shoulder was a little red lizard, and it was twitching its tail like a whip and whispering things in his ear. As we caught sight of him he turned his head to the reptile with a snarl of impatience. "Shut up, I tell you!" he said. It wagged its tail and continued to whisper to him. He ceased snarling, and presently began to smile. Then be turned and started to limp westward, away from the mountains.
"Off so soon?" said a voice.
The speaker was more or less human in shape but larger than a man, and so bright that I could hardly look at him. His presence smote on my eyes and on my body too (for there was heat coming from him as well as light) like the morning sun at the beginning of a tyrannous summer day.
"Yes. I'm off," said the Ghost. "Thanks for all your hospitality. But it's no good, you see. I told this little chap," (here he indicated the lizard), "that he'd have to be quiet if he came -which he insisted on doing. Of course his stuff won't do here: I realise that. But he won't stop. I shall just have to go home."
'Would you like me to make him quiet?" said the flaming Spirit-an angel, as I now understood.
"Of course I would," said the Ghost.
"Then I will kill him," said the Angel, taking a step forward.
"Oh-ah-look out! You're burning me. Keep away," said the Ghost, retreating.
"Don't you want him killed?"
"You didn't say anything about killing him at first. I hardly meant to bother you with anything so drastic as that."
"It's the only way," said the Angel, whose burning hands were now very close to the lizard. "Shall I kill it?"
"Well, that's a further question. I'm quite open to consider it, but it's a new point, isn't it? I mean, for the moment I was only thinking about silencing it because up here-well, it's so damned embarrassing."
"May I kill it?"
"Well, there's time to discuss that later."
"There is no time. May I kill it?"
"Please, I never meant to be such a nuisance. Please-really-don't bother. Look! It's gone to sleep of its own accord. I'm sure it'll be all right now. Thanks ever so much."
"May I kill it?"
"Honestly, I don't think there's the slightest necessity for that. I'm sure I shall be able to keep it in order now. I think the gradual process would be far better than killing it."
"The gradual process is of no use at all."
"Don't you think so? Well, I'll think over what you've said very carefully. I honestly will. In fact I'd let you kill it now, but as a matter of fact I'm not feeling frightfully well to-day. It would be silly to do it now. I'd need to be in good health for the operation. Some other day, perhaps."
"There is no other day. All days are present now."
"Get back! You're burning me. How can I tell you to kill it? You'd kill me if you did."
"It is not so."
"Why, you're hurting me now."
"I never said it wouldn't hurt you. I said it wouldn't kill you."
"Oh, I know. You think I'm a coward. But it isn't that. Really it isn't. I say! Let me run back by tonight's bus and get an opinion from my own doctor. I'll come again the first moment I can."
"This moment contains all moments."
"Why are you torturing me? You are jeering at me. How can I let you tear me to pieces? If you wanted to help me, why didn't you kill the damned thing without asking me--before I knew? It would be all over by now if you had."
"I cannot kill it against your will. It is impossible. Have I your permission?"
The Angel's hands were almost closed on the Lizard, but not quite. Then the Lizard began chattering to the Ghost so loud that even I could hear what it was saying.
"Be careful," it said. "He can do what he says. He can kill me. One fatal word from you and he will! Then you'll be without me for ever and ever. It's not natural. How could you live? You'd be only a sort of ghost, not a real man as you are now. He doesn't understand. He's only a cold, bloodless abstract thing. It may be natural for him, but it isn't for us. Yes, yes. I know there are no real pleasures now, only dreams. But aren't they better than nothing? And I'll be so good. I admit I've sometimes gone too far in the past, but I promise I won't do it again. I'll give you nothing but really nice dreams--all sweet and fresh and almost innocent. You might say, quite innocent .... "
"Have I your permission?" said the Angel to the Ghost.
"I know it will kill me."
"It won't. But supposing it did?"
"You're right. It would be better to be dead than to live with this creature."
"Then I may?"
"Damn and blast you! Go on can't you? Get it over. Do what you like," bellowed the Ghost: but ended, whimpering, "God help me. God help me."
Next moment the Ghost gave a scream of agony such as I never heard on Earth. The Burning One closed his crimson grip on the reptile: twisted it, while it bit and writhed, and then flung it, broken backed, on the turf.
"Ow! That’s done for me," gasped the Ghost, reeling backwards.
For a moment I could make out nothing distinctly. Then I saw, between me and the nearest bush, unmistakably solid but growing every moment solider, the upper arm and the shoulder of a man. Then, brighter still and stronger, the legs and hands. The neck and golden head materialised while I watched, and if my attention had not wavered I should have seen the actual completing of a man--an immense man, naked, not much smaller than the Angel. What distracted me was the fact that at the same moment something seemed to be happening to the Lizard. At first I thought the operation had failed. So far from dying, the creature was still struggling and even growing bigger as it struggled. And as it grew it changed. Its hinder parts grew rounder. The tail, still flickering, became a tail of hair that flickered between huge and glossy buttocks. Suddenly I started back, rubbing my eyes. What stood before me was the greatest stallion I have ever seen, silvery white but with mane and tail of gold. It was smooth and shining, rippled with swells of flesh and muscle, whinneying and stamping with its hoofs. At each stamp the land shook and the trees dindled.
The new-made man turned and clapped the new horse’s neck. It nosed his bright body. Horse and master breathed each into the other’s nostrils. The man turned from it, flung himself at the feet of the Burning One, and embraced them. When he rose I thought his face shone with tears, but it may have been only the liquid love and brightness (one cannot distinguish them in that country) which flowed from him. I had not long to think about it. In joyous haste the young man leaped upon the horse’s back. Turning in his seat he waved a farewell, then nudged the stallion with his heels. They were off before I well knew what was happening. There was riding if you like! I came out as quickly as I could from among the bushes to follow them with my eyes; but already they were only like a shooting star far off on the green plain, and soon among the foothills of the mountains. Then, still like a star, I saw them winding up, scaling what seemed impossible steeps, and quicker every moment, till near the dim brow of the landscape, so high that I must strain my neck to see them, they vanished, bright themselves, into the rose-brightness of that everlasting morning.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Why I believe in Jesus....
This is one of those stream of consciousness ramblings, you have been warned.....
So tonight I'm getting ready for leading discussion in house church tomorrow night. We are starting a study on "What does a healthy house church look like?" The first week is about how Christ is the foundation. It looks like a good study, but as I start into it I'm asking myself, why do I want Christ to be the foundation? Why I do I believe in Jesus and trust what He is telling me about what life is supposed to look like? So I guess this is just me looking back and taking some time to examine why I believe what I believe.
I guess the starting place is that I look around and see that this world is jacked up. Really jacked up. I read and hear stories every day about how a terrorist blew some innocent people up, children are dying in Africa because of lack of water, a guy watches his girlfriend get raped while he lies helpless to do anything, and criminals go free because they happen to have a lot of money. I find myself treated unfairly at work, every time I think I'm getting ahead something goes wrong, and people stab me in the back. Then I have to take a honest look at myself and admit that I'm a selfish person. I prefer to have a new toy rather than help someone in need. I don't want to have pointed out at work that I did something wrong, so I yell at my boss that he did something wrong that was the reason I did something wrong. I hurt people I care about because I can be a jerk sometimes. I get upset with people because they don't meet my expectations, but then I leave them hanging when I need some help. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I'm just as much a problem in this world as anyone else. And I don't seem to be doing a very good job of fixing myself, let alone fixing anyone else. Finally, I know that none of us are getting out of this world alive. Some day the end is going to come, and I don't really know what happens after that.
So after that happy thought, what do I look to for hope? The government doesn't seem to be doing a very good job of fixing things, all they seem to do is make it worse. Sending people off to die in some foreign land, for what reason? All we seem to be doing is giving those people a really good reason to try to blow us up. I've been working on fixing myself, I'm not doing very well. I couldn't even get myself to go to the gym to work out tonight. None of the self help books seem to do much, otherwise they would stop writing new ones and everyone in this world would be fixed. And then there is organized religion, the worst one of all. How many horrible things in this world have happened because of religion. How many millions have died? How many people have been beat down and trampled on? How many people walk through every day of life hating themselves because of religion? I have a hatred for Christian TV, that's as fake as it gets. I can't stand Christian culture. I like a few Christian bands, but most of them feel so made up. I have this awesome quote from Bono about how God loves Truth, and because of that He would rather go to a Nine Inch Nails concert than a Christian concert, because at least they are being honest. Now I'm not saying that all people in Christian bands are bad people, but how many of them are being honest? I'm sure Chris Tomlin has to have a bad day sometimes and Matt Redmond has to have the days when he's not feeling so confident. If not, I want some of what they are smoking. I'm a firm believer of separation of Church and state. First of all, it's in the Bible. When the nation of Israel was set up, God made the tribe of Levi the priests and the tribe of Judah the rulers. He did it to protect the Church from power that corrupts, but we see how well that worked. I hear people make naive statements like "we need to return to the values of our forefathers who founded are nation." What, the values of genocide, slavery, and greed? We slaughtered the native Americans, stole their land, and used the slaves we stole from Africa to do all the hard work of making money. Don't get me wrong, I like living in America. But I think aiming for those kinds values is kinda aiming low for improving life. Plus I think if this country is a democracy, if the majority of the people don't want to live by the rules of the Moral Majority then they shouldn't have to. Religion is an ugly thing and in the history of the world every time a religion has been in power, it has done terrible things.
So if I'm not a fan of religion, why do I believe in Jesus? A few years ago I went through a real searching of what I believed. Beyond all the mess of the world, I saw that I was not a good person. I had done bad things to people, and I didn't want to. During that time I really searched to understand who God is. I had claimed I believed in God for many years, but I didn't really know Him. Reading through the Bible myself, I discovered the story of God, Jesus, and the world. The story of God is really very simple. God created a perfect world and put man in it to share it with Him. But God gave man freedom, because God wanted a friend instead of a slave or a robot. But man rebelled against God and broke that relationship. That's the first 3 chapters of the Bible. The rest of the Bible is about how God is trying to restore that relationship. For the first part (the Old Testament) God tried to reestablish that relationship by being the big, powerful God and made rules for us to try to follow to get along with Him. That didn't work, a few people got it but most people missed it. They tried to use religion for their own gain (that story again) or they just did things their own way. So God tried a new approach, He came to earth Himself. He did this so He would understand what it felt like to be human. He was hungry, He was thirsty, He was mistreated, He was hated, He suffered, He was murdered. He also showed us what He intended life to really be like. That we could love others and not live life angry and bitter. That we could help other people and remove suffering from the world. That we could enjoy God's goodness, that we could love Him instead of fearing Him. That we didn't have to buy the lies of life that we need more money, nicer clothes, fancier cars, and people to think we're great to have a good life. In fact, that those things tend to work against us rather than for us. Then Jesus died in our place, because all wrong doing deserves punishment. This world can't be just unless sin is punished. But all of us have sinned, I know I have. But Jesus took that punishment for me, so that I can be friends with God again and enjoy His goodness. Jesus also rose from the dead, to prove that He is bigger than death and that death is not the end. However, the tricky part is that Jesus offers forgiveness for sin as a gift, and not all accept the gift. I think CS Lewis hit on something profound in "The Great Divorce". In the end, God gives us what we want. If we want Him and His goodness, then we get Him. But if we don't want Him, and want something else, then we get that. But like that person who thought they were getting a great deal on a Rolex out of someone's trunk, they find out that they aren't getting what they hoped for. They thought they were getting happiness, but in truth God is the only one that can give happiness. They thought they were getting Disney World, they ended up with Uncle Louie's Catfish Farm.
OK, so all of that stuff comes out of the Bible, so why do I believe the Bible? Well here's the thing, I can't give you all the proof. There's lots of information out there that is supposed to prove the Bible, and I've read some of it. There's also lots of information out there that is supposed to prove the Bible isn't true, and I've read some of that too. We could get into the scientific side of creation vs evolution, or the philisophical debates. I'm told Stephen Hawking things that this world was started by aliens. I guess he is pretty smart, so maybe I should believe him. There's a really great quote I like from GK Chesterton "It is idle to talk always of the alternative of reason and faith. Reason is itself a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." Let's remember the advances of the last two centuries and how many "laws of science" have been broken and proved wrong. For a couple of hundred years Sir Isaac Newton had the "end all, be all" on gravity until that Einstein smarty pants came along. When it comes to the Bible, every year a new book comes out showing how it's true and another 5 books come out showing how it isn't true. And obviously none are the final words, otherwise they'd stop writing the books and we'd stop debating about it! What about other religions? If I'm shopping for a religion, then they all sound pretty nuts. All of them are out to get my money and ruin my fun. None of them can be proved. At least with Jesus, I get grace. When it is all said and done, I can't prove or disprove any religion, faith, or God. The world has debated about it from the beginning and it will until we manage to destroy ourselves. So why Jesus? Because I met Jesus and I know Jesus. It's not that I know about Him, subscribe to His newsletter, or have Him as a friend on MySpace. I actually know Him. He is inside of me. Sometimes I sense His presence, sometimes I don't. I talk to Him a lot, every once in a while He talks to me. Mostly He has shown me that the Bible is true, not because I've been able to prove it but because I see God's goodness in it. And when I start having doubts about whether I know Jesus or not, my faith is held together because I have other friends who know Jesus. They talk to Him and He talks to them. I have seen their lives changed by Him, as my life has been changed by Him. I can't fix myself, but I have seen God fix things in me. I have seen God fix things in other people too. People who were broken by drugs or depression or broken hearts or bad choices. Scientifically I have no proof of God, experientially I have tons of proof. It may not be proof for anyone else, but it is enough proof for me.
So how does it work that I don't like organized religion, but follows Jesus. Even that I help lead a house church? I make sure that I'm following Jesus and reading my Bible, not following any particular person. I have a lot of respect for my pastor and really like him, but I also know he's just as jacked up as I am. So I listen to what he says and take it in, but Jesus is the one that I follow. He is the only one I can fully trust.
So what about all the "do" and "don't do" of following Jesus? Jesus tells us that God is our father. I know a lot of people have jacked up fathers. My dad isn't perfect, but my dad is a pretty good guy. When he tells me to do something or not do something, it is usually for my benefit. He doesn't want me to do something to hurt myself or to hurt someone else. Or we get the picture of Jesus as a shepherd, the shepherd is there to care for and protect the sheep. God isn't the "eternal party pooper", He loves His friends and wants what is best for them, even if a lot of the time they don't want what is best for themselves.
So I guess that comes together as why I believe in Jesus. Then because I believe in Jesus, I can put Him as the foundation in my life.
So tonight I'm getting ready for leading discussion in house church tomorrow night. We are starting a study on "What does a healthy house church look like?" The first week is about how Christ is the foundation. It looks like a good study, but as I start into it I'm asking myself, why do I want Christ to be the foundation? Why I do I believe in Jesus and trust what He is telling me about what life is supposed to look like? So I guess this is just me looking back and taking some time to examine why I believe what I believe.
I guess the starting place is that I look around and see that this world is jacked up. Really jacked up. I read and hear stories every day about how a terrorist blew some innocent people up, children are dying in Africa because of lack of water, a guy watches his girlfriend get raped while he lies helpless to do anything, and criminals go free because they happen to have a lot of money. I find myself treated unfairly at work, every time I think I'm getting ahead something goes wrong, and people stab me in the back. Then I have to take a honest look at myself and admit that I'm a selfish person. I prefer to have a new toy rather than help someone in need. I don't want to have pointed out at work that I did something wrong, so I yell at my boss that he did something wrong that was the reason I did something wrong. I hurt people I care about because I can be a jerk sometimes. I get upset with people because they don't meet my expectations, but then I leave them hanging when I need some help. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I'm just as much a problem in this world as anyone else. And I don't seem to be doing a very good job of fixing myself, let alone fixing anyone else. Finally, I know that none of us are getting out of this world alive. Some day the end is going to come, and I don't really know what happens after that.
So after that happy thought, what do I look to for hope? The government doesn't seem to be doing a very good job of fixing things, all they seem to do is make it worse. Sending people off to die in some foreign land, for what reason? All we seem to be doing is giving those people a really good reason to try to blow us up. I've been working on fixing myself, I'm not doing very well. I couldn't even get myself to go to the gym to work out tonight. None of the self help books seem to do much, otherwise they would stop writing new ones and everyone in this world would be fixed. And then there is organized religion, the worst one of all. How many horrible things in this world have happened because of religion. How many millions have died? How many people have been beat down and trampled on? How many people walk through every day of life hating themselves because of religion? I have a hatred for Christian TV, that's as fake as it gets. I can't stand Christian culture. I like a few Christian bands, but most of them feel so made up. I have this awesome quote from Bono about how God loves Truth, and because of that He would rather go to a Nine Inch Nails concert than a Christian concert, because at least they are being honest. Now I'm not saying that all people in Christian bands are bad people, but how many of them are being honest? I'm sure Chris Tomlin has to have a bad day sometimes and Matt Redmond has to have the days when he's not feeling so confident. If not, I want some of what they are smoking. I'm a firm believer of separation of Church and state. First of all, it's in the Bible. When the nation of Israel was set up, God made the tribe of Levi the priests and the tribe of Judah the rulers. He did it to protect the Church from power that corrupts, but we see how well that worked. I hear people make naive statements like "we need to return to the values of our forefathers who founded are nation." What, the values of genocide, slavery, and greed? We slaughtered the native Americans, stole their land, and used the slaves we stole from Africa to do all the hard work of making money. Don't get me wrong, I like living in America. But I think aiming for those kinds values is kinda aiming low for improving life. Plus I think if this country is a democracy, if the majority of the people don't want to live by the rules of the Moral Majority then they shouldn't have to. Religion is an ugly thing and in the history of the world every time a religion has been in power, it has done terrible things.
So if I'm not a fan of religion, why do I believe in Jesus? A few years ago I went through a real searching of what I believed. Beyond all the mess of the world, I saw that I was not a good person. I had done bad things to people, and I didn't want to. During that time I really searched to understand who God is. I had claimed I believed in God for many years, but I didn't really know Him. Reading through the Bible myself, I discovered the story of God, Jesus, and the world. The story of God is really very simple. God created a perfect world and put man in it to share it with Him. But God gave man freedom, because God wanted a friend instead of a slave or a robot. But man rebelled against God and broke that relationship. That's the first 3 chapters of the Bible. The rest of the Bible is about how God is trying to restore that relationship. For the first part (the Old Testament) God tried to reestablish that relationship by being the big, powerful God and made rules for us to try to follow to get along with Him. That didn't work, a few people got it but most people missed it. They tried to use religion for their own gain (that story again) or they just did things their own way. So God tried a new approach, He came to earth Himself. He did this so He would understand what it felt like to be human. He was hungry, He was thirsty, He was mistreated, He was hated, He suffered, He was murdered. He also showed us what He intended life to really be like. That we could love others and not live life angry and bitter. That we could help other people and remove suffering from the world. That we could enjoy God's goodness, that we could love Him instead of fearing Him. That we didn't have to buy the lies of life that we need more money, nicer clothes, fancier cars, and people to think we're great to have a good life. In fact, that those things tend to work against us rather than for us. Then Jesus died in our place, because all wrong doing deserves punishment. This world can't be just unless sin is punished. But all of us have sinned, I know I have. But Jesus took that punishment for me, so that I can be friends with God again and enjoy His goodness. Jesus also rose from the dead, to prove that He is bigger than death and that death is not the end. However, the tricky part is that Jesus offers forgiveness for sin as a gift, and not all accept the gift. I think CS Lewis hit on something profound in "The Great Divorce". In the end, God gives us what we want. If we want Him and His goodness, then we get Him. But if we don't want Him, and want something else, then we get that. But like that person who thought they were getting a great deal on a Rolex out of someone's trunk, they find out that they aren't getting what they hoped for. They thought they were getting happiness, but in truth God is the only one that can give happiness. They thought they were getting Disney World, they ended up with Uncle Louie's Catfish Farm.
OK, so all of that stuff comes out of the Bible, so why do I believe the Bible? Well here's the thing, I can't give you all the proof. There's lots of information out there that is supposed to prove the Bible, and I've read some of it. There's also lots of information out there that is supposed to prove the Bible isn't true, and I've read some of that too. We could get into the scientific side of creation vs evolution, or the philisophical debates. I'm told Stephen Hawking things that this world was started by aliens. I guess he is pretty smart, so maybe I should believe him. There's a really great quote I like from GK Chesterton "It is idle to talk always of the alternative of reason and faith. Reason is itself a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." Let's remember the advances of the last two centuries and how many "laws of science" have been broken and proved wrong. For a couple of hundred years Sir Isaac Newton had the "end all, be all" on gravity until that Einstein smarty pants came along. When it comes to the Bible, every year a new book comes out showing how it's true and another 5 books come out showing how it isn't true. And obviously none are the final words, otherwise they'd stop writing the books and we'd stop debating about it! What about other religions? If I'm shopping for a religion, then they all sound pretty nuts. All of them are out to get my money and ruin my fun. None of them can be proved. At least with Jesus, I get grace. When it is all said and done, I can't prove or disprove any religion, faith, or God. The world has debated about it from the beginning and it will until we manage to destroy ourselves. So why Jesus? Because I met Jesus and I know Jesus. It's not that I know about Him, subscribe to His newsletter, or have Him as a friend on MySpace. I actually know Him. He is inside of me. Sometimes I sense His presence, sometimes I don't. I talk to Him a lot, every once in a while He talks to me. Mostly He has shown me that the Bible is true, not because I've been able to prove it but because I see God's goodness in it. And when I start having doubts about whether I know Jesus or not, my faith is held together because I have other friends who know Jesus. They talk to Him and He talks to them. I have seen their lives changed by Him, as my life has been changed by Him. I can't fix myself, but I have seen God fix things in me. I have seen God fix things in other people too. People who were broken by drugs or depression or broken hearts or bad choices. Scientifically I have no proof of God, experientially I have tons of proof. It may not be proof for anyone else, but it is enough proof for me.
So how does it work that I don't like organized religion, but follows Jesus. Even that I help lead a house church? I make sure that I'm following Jesus and reading my Bible, not following any particular person. I have a lot of respect for my pastor and really like him, but I also know he's just as jacked up as I am. So I listen to what he says and take it in, but Jesus is the one that I follow. He is the only one I can fully trust.
So what about all the "do" and "don't do" of following Jesus? Jesus tells us that God is our father. I know a lot of people have jacked up fathers. My dad isn't perfect, but my dad is a pretty good guy. When he tells me to do something or not do something, it is usually for my benefit. He doesn't want me to do something to hurt myself or to hurt someone else. Or we get the picture of Jesus as a shepherd, the shepherd is there to care for and protect the sheep. God isn't the "eternal party pooper", He loves His friends and wants what is best for them, even if a lot of the time they don't want what is best for themselves.
So I guess that comes together as why I believe in Jesus. Then because I believe in Jesus, I can put Him as the foundation in my life.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
2007 Year in Review
A couple of years ago when I was getting ready to turn 29 I realized that I had been waiting. I'm not exactly sure what I had been waiting for, but I was waiting. Maybe it was for a wife, maybe it was for a perfect job, maybe it was for a partner in crime, maybe it was for the planets to align, maybe it was for someone to make my life perfect. Whatever it was that I was waiting for, I realized that I was missing out on a lot of good things in life because I was just waiting instead of enjoying what God had placed in my life then. So I made the decision to enjoy where I was in life and make sure that from that time on I would live life in a way that I wouldn't look back wishing I hadn't wasted it just waiting. I think 2007 was a year where I really experienced life in a bigger way that I ever have before. In fact, so much happened this year that I'm having a hard time remembering it all. So this will be a bit of a highlights reel and some things will be kinda short on details. Honestly, I only remember the last half of the year very well.
New Year's 2007 began with friends at my home for the New Year's Eve party. It was a good time and I remember candy being thrown by various members of my house church who know who they are. I also remember taking a long walk after everyone was gone just spending time with the Lord in prayer. This was a throw back to college when I often spend New Year's Eve alone, but I would always walk to the Liberal Arts fountain at Purdue to pray. I don't remember what I prayed the night that 2007 began, but I can certainly say that God moved in a big way this year.
My adventures in 2007 began quickly when I went hiking at McCormick's Creek on January 6. I also discovered Cataract Falls, which was pretty cool.
McCormick's Falls
Cataract Falls
February brought about fun winter weather. February 7 brought a blizzard to Indiana, so I went to Mounds State Park for some winter hiking.
I also went sledding with AJ, Lauren, and Anya
February 4 brought about a trip to Chicago for a travel writing seminar put on by National Geographic Traveler magazine. This was a really interesting seminar put on to help people get started in travel writing for magazines. I can't say that I've done much with this yet, but I did record it and I still hope to put what I learned to use. It was also -3 degrees on Lake Michigan, dang cold!
February 10 brought about a trip to Michigan to try luge. This was a really fun time, it's not as scary as it looks.
Lake Michigan was frozen a couple of hundred yards out from shore and was looking really cool.
I'm not coming up with much from March. April 1 brought about my first kayaking trip of the year, the April Fool's paddle on the Big Pine. It's the April Fool's paddle because only a fool would plan a trip in advance on the Big Pine, you never know when there's going to be enough water to paddle. Fortunately the river was at a good level and it was a really great trip.
Shark!
Soon after came my next kayak trip on April 15 on the Flatrock River. This trip went well, but was certainly a learning experience. It had snowed the day before and I took a swim directly across the river from the put in. But it was a big accomplishment when I got back in my boat and continued down the river. It turned out to be a great trip for me.
The following weekend brought a trip to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. I had been there when i was in 8th grade and it really scared me. I wasn't as scared this time, though I'll say that I prefer blue skies. It was a good time with friends.
May brought about a couple of big things. The bigger of the two is that my friend and roommate, Devin, moved back to Singapore. Devin is a great guy and it was sad to see him leave. I'm afraid I haven't done very well at keeping in touch. Things have certainly been different around home.
May also brought my biggest backpacking trip to date and the accomplishment of a long time goal. Eight years ago when I first began backpacking I had looked at the map of Great Smoky Mountains National Park and saw Lake Fontana on the south side. I thought it would be really cool to hike the length of the lake. Well in 2006 I saw that the National Park Service was considering building a road on the north side of the lake (there is currently no road and it's 40 miles without any form of modern civilization). So I decided that I needed to make that hike while the trail still existed. So I helped lead a trip with the Central Indiana Wilderness Club to hike the length of the lake (approx 40 miles) and then canoe back to the dam. So we did the trip and it was a wonderful adventure. We were out 6 days (5 nights) and hiked 40 miles and canoed around 20. I was very pleased with the trip, it was a grand adventure.
Early June I finally made it up to kayak on the East Race Whitewater course in South Bend. Though terrified my first few times down, it was my first time on Class II whitewater and was a great experience. I made it up there 3 times this year and really enjoyed it.
Early June also brought about a trip to Garden of the Gods, part of Shawnee National Forest in southern Illinois. This was a place that I had heard about here and there. I was glad to check out it. We originally planned it to be backpacking, but due to hot weather and the area not being real conducive to backpacking, we just did day hikes. It was a good trip.
We also stopped by Cataract Falls on the way home. It was a much lower level than before.
Late June brought about the wedding of my friends Alex and Sonja. I've been in house church with them for 3 years and it was a joy to see them joined in marriage. My house church is an important part of my family and I love seeing my kids grow up :)
July was a crazy month, and the start of when I can really recall the less event oriented things of the year.
July 7 I took a group of friends from church on a canoe trip on the Tippecanoe River. Water was a bit low, but passable. A good trip, but I won't be back to that section of river.
Mid July I was faced with a difficult decision. Back in April? or so I had started attending the church planting training school with my church. The purpose of this is an intense discipleship to prepare people to plant churches or do other things in ministry. For a long time I've felt that Indiana isn't where I'm supposed to stay, and I've felt led to go with a church plant. So I've just walked along waiting for God to show me when and where. Our church hired a new guy (he might not like me calling him a pastor) to lead the training school and hearing him talk about it I felt led to check it out. So I attended for a couple of months checking it out. However, in July came the time where it would change from being one night a week to meeting 3 times a week during the day, requiring a change in work schedule to part time. So I was having to evaluate whether to change my job to part time to do this, or quit the training school. After spending time with God on the subject, I made the decision to drop out. It was a tough decision and I'm missed it, but I know God led me in the right direction.
Immediately after that came the accomplishment of a life goal, getting to visit Glacier National Park. There are so many things I could say here, but this is already running long. It was an amazing trip.
While in Glacier my friends, Ben and Jen, from my house church got married. Another joyous celebration and more of my kids are growing up......
Upon coming home from Glacier came a huge and wonderful change in my life. I had signed up for eHarmony a couple of months before this and when I got back I found a profile for a cute girl in Ohio that looked interesting. I contacted her and I don't think my life will ever be the same.......
August brought about 2 more weddings in my house church. I will soon be offering my services and charging for membership in my house church. Nick and Megan Key were married early in the month.
August 19 I was best man for AJ and Lauren's wedding. This was an event that brought so much joy to me. AJ has been in my house church for 3 years and has become one of my closest friends. He was the first guy I've ever really discipled and I've found that I probably learned more from him than he learned from me. Lauren has been in my house church for a little less time. 2006 was a time when I was able to really get to know both of them better and I was overjoyed to watch them grow together. When people ask if God is really real and why I believe in Jesus Christ, AJ and Lauren are two of the reasons why. To see how God has worked in their lives, to heal them and restore them and to pour His Grace out upon two wonderful people. I have seen God transform them and that was something that made this wedding so very special. I had the privelege of being a part of all of this and I think I'm getting a little misty eyed now (seriously).
The day after the wedding I met that wonderful girl from Ohio.....
The next week brought about my next step in kayaking, the Nantahala River. A trip to North Carolina for a weekend to run the river, and it was a wonderful time. I did really well and my confidence in my paddling ability is growing.
So in August I met Julie and God has blessed us with a growing relationship. I can say with all due respect that I have known, and dated, some incredible women. However, Julie and I have really found something special. She is a warm, fun, caring, adventurous, Godly woman and she continues to impress me more and more. Of all my friends and family that have met her, everyone loves her (I'm becoming concerned that they all like her more than me). I'll say more about her below in my "profound thoughts" sections. But about here is where she really entered into my life and has been my best friend who has shared in almost all my adventures since.
I can't say I remember a lot specifically about September. It was mostly weekend dates with Julie and ya'll don't need to know the details of all of that :)
October brought more adventure. It began with a beginner's backpacking trip to Red River Gorge. Julie and 7 other people joined me for a weekend trip. It turned out to be a spectacular trip with fantastic scenery and a really fun group of people.
The next week came Julie's introduction to the kayaking community with a trip to the Hiwassee River in Tennessee. I paddled my kayak while she paddled an inflatable kayak with a friend. We both did really well and enjoyed the trip a lot. We have gotten much milage out of this photo of Julie and her friend stuck on a rock ledge on the river.
Late October brought about the annual house church fall retreat to Decatur, IN. Originally Julie and I had planned on backpacking on the AT this weekend, but rain in the area we were going to caused us to cancel. We were glad it worked out that we could join house church friends for this wonderful weekend.
The first weekend in November was what originally was going to be AJ's bachelor party. It was going to be in July, but was postponed. Fortunately most of the guys from house church were able to make this trip and we had a really great weekend hiking and rock climbing in Red River Gorge. We stayed at the True North Outfitters for the weekend and just had a great time of manly fellowship.
Our return from the guy's weekend because the first step in a new direction for my house church. We had been growing for a long time and finally reached a point where we were ready to plant a new house church. So our one big group became two new house churches. Things are off to a good start and I'm excited to see what God does in each one.
The next weekend I took off on an adventure I never expected 6 months before. When I left the training school at church the guy leading it invited me on their pilgrimage to Paria Canyon in Utah. We spent 6 days hiking down a canyon in Utah/Arizona that joins the Colorado River at the beginning of the Grand Canyon. There were 9 guys and we had a wonderful time walking together, it was an amazing experience that I hope to do again some day.
December came and we were able to get in an early sledding trip due to snow. Another great time with friends from house church and kayaking.
Christmas was a wonderful experience getting a chance to spend time with Julie's family, my family, and friends.
New Year's Eve was spent low key with Julie and a few friends. The year ended and we didn't even realized it. We were chatting in the living room and heard noise outside. We thought it was hail, but then realized it was fireworks. Then we realized that it was midnight.
Profound thoughts on the year:
I think the one word to describe the year is "adventure". I had so many different, wonderful, experiences that it's hard to sum it all up. What I've written here hits what I had photos for, I know I missed out on so much more that was really important. Just too much happened to remember. But I know that this year was full of a lot of wonderful people in a lot of different places and that I'm left with wonderful memories. I also had a lot of personal growth this year. My finances improved greatly, I've made some good steps in the right direction in taking care of myself (many more needed), and growing in confidence in who God made me to be. I have some low point this year also. I feel like as a leader and a friend to those in my house church I was more absent than I liked. I think that was more of a loss for me than anyone else. I'm thankful and proud of the people in my house church who stepped up to fill those spaces I left empty. Then doing that was important and necessary for our house church to grow as it has and to prepare to become two new house churches. Yet I'm also sad that I missed out on depth in relationships. I also feel that this year my walk with God was not what I wish it was. I know that with everything going on that I didn't spend the time with God that is so important in that relationship with Him.
Looking towards 2008:
I don't know what 2008 will bring. Julie and I continue to grow in our relationship and our love for each other. We are enjoying the journey. We have talked some about the future, but neither of us feel we can claim to know what that will bring. I'm looking forward to more kayaking. We will be visiting my brother in Idaho and plan on a visit to Oregon. We have some vague ideas about things for 2008, but we don't know anything for sure. But I think that's where God wants us right now. Maybe more than anything I'm learning to trust God step by step. 2007 brought a lot of unexpected things, so I'm learning to expect the unexpected. What I do know is that God has blessed me with a lot of incredible people in my life and I want to enjoy them all. I want each person to know God's love for them and hopefully they know that I love them and value their friendship. I'm proud to have an incredible woman by my side and I'm excited about the journey we will share. I'm excited for 2008, even though I have no idea what it will bring. God is good and I trust Him, even if it doesn't look like what I would plan myself.
Dang, that last sentence is going to come back to haunt me, isn't it? Happy New Year!
New Year's 2007 began with friends at my home for the New Year's Eve party. It was a good time and I remember candy being thrown by various members of my house church who know who they are. I also remember taking a long walk after everyone was gone just spending time with the Lord in prayer. This was a throw back to college when I often spend New Year's Eve alone, but I would always walk to the Liberal Arts fountain at Purdue to pray. I don't remember what I prayed the night that 2007 began, but I can certainly say that God moved in a big way this year.
My adventures in 2007 began quickly when I went hiking at McCormick's Creek on January 6. I also discovered Cataract Falls, which was pretty cool.
McCormick's Falls
Cataract Falls
February brought about fun winter weather. February 7 brought a blizzard to Indiana, so I went to Mounds State Park for some winter hiking.
I also went sledding with AJ, Lauren, and Anya
February 4 brought about a trip to Chicago for a travel writing seminar put on by National Geographic Traveler magazine. This was a really interesting seminar put on to help people get started in travel writing for magazines. I can't say that I've done much with this yet, but I did record it and I still hope to put what I learned to use. It was also -3 degrees on Lake Michigan, dang cold!
February 10 brought about a trip to Michigan to try luge. This was a really fun time, it's not as scary as it looks.
Lake Michigan was frozen a couple of hundred yards out from shore and was looking really cool.
I'm not coming up with much from March. April 1 brought about my first kayaking trip of the year, the April Fool's paddle on the Big Pine. It's the April Fool's paddle because only a fool would plan a trip in advance on the Big Pine, you never know when there's going to be enough water to paddle. Fortunately the river was at a good level and it was a really great trip.
Shark!
Soon after came my next kayak trip on April 15 on the Flatrock River. This trip went well, but was certainly a learning experience. It had snowed the day before and I took a swim directly across the river from the put in. But it was a big accomplishment when I got back in my boat and continued down the river. It turned out to be a great trip for me.
The following weekend brought a trip to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. I had been there when i was in 8th grade and it really scared me. I wasn't as scared this time, though I'll say that I prefer blue skies. It was a good time with friends.
May brought about a couple of big things. The bigger of the two is that my friend and roommate, Devin, moved back to Singapore. Devin is a great guy and it was sad to see him leave. I'm afraid I haven't done very well at keeping in touch. Things have certainly been different around home.
May also brought my biggest backpacking trip to date and the accomplishment of a long time goal. Eight years ago when I first began backpacking I had looked at the map of Great Smoky Mountains National Park and saw Lake Fontana on the south side. I thought it would be really cool to hike the length of the lake. Well in 2006 I saw that the National Park Service was considering building a road on the north side of the lake (there is currently no road and it's 40 miles without any form of modern civilization). So I decided that I needed to make that hike while the trail still existed. So I helped lead a trip with the Central Indiana Wilderness Club to hike the length of the lake (approx 40 miles) and then canoe back to the dam. So we did the trip and it was a wonderful adventure. We were out 6 days (5 nights) and hiked 40 miles and canoed around 20. I was very pleased with the trip, it was a grand adventure.
Early June I finally made it up to kayak on the East Race Whitewater course in South Bend. Though terrified my first few times down, it was my first time on Class II whitewater and was a great experience. I made it up there 3 times this year and really enjoyed it.
Early June also brought about a trip to Garden of the Gods, part of Shawnee National Forest in southern Illinois. This was a place that I had heard about here and there. I was glad to check out it. We originally planned it to be backpacking, but due to hot weather and the area not being real conducive to backpacking, we just did day hikes. It was a good trip.
We also stopped by Cataract Falls on the way home. It was a much lower level than before.
Late June brought about the wedding of my friends Alex and Sonja. I've been in house church with them for 3 years and it was a joy to see them joined in marriage. My house church is an important part of my family and I love seeing my kids grow up :)
July was a crazy month, and the start of when I can really recall the less event oriented things of the year.
July 7 I took a group of friends from church on a canoe trip on the Tippecanoe River. Water was a bit low, but passable. A good trip, but I won't be back to that section of river.
Mid July I was faced with a difficult decision. Back in April? or so I had started attending the church planting training school with my church. The purpose of this is an intense discipleship to prepare people to plant churches or do other things in ministry. For a long time I've felt that Indiana isn't where I'm supposed to stay, and I've felt led to go with a church plant. So I've just walked along waiting for God to show me when and where. Our church hired a new guy (he might not like me calling him a pastor) to lead the training school and hearing him talk about it I felt led to check it out. So I attended for a couple of months checking it out. However, in July came the time where it would change from being one night a week to meeting 3 times a week during the day, requiring a change in work schedule to part time. So I was having to evaluate whether to change my job to part time to do this, or quit the training school. After spending time with God on the subject, I made the decision to drop out. It was a tough decision and I'm missed it, but I know God led me in the right direction.
Immediately after that came the accomplishment of a life goal, getting to visit Glacier National Park. There are so many things I could say here, but this is already running long. It was an amazing trip.
While in Glacier my friends, Ben and Jen, from my house church got married. Another joyous celebration and more of my kids are growing up......
Upon coming home from Glacier came a huge and wonderful change in my life. I had signed up for eHarmony a couple of months before this and when I got back I found a profile for a cute girl in Ohio that looked interesting. I contacted her and I don't think my life will ever be the same.......
August brought about 2 more weddings in my house church. I will soon be offering my services and charging for membership in my house church. Nick and Megan Key were married early in the month.
August 19 I was best man for AJ and Lauren's wedding. This was an event that brought so much joy to me. AJ has been in my house church for 3 years and has become one of my closest friends. He was the first guy I've ever really discipled and I've found that I probably learned more from him than he learned from me. Lauren has been in my house church for a little less time. 2006 was a time when I was able to really get to know both of them better and I was overjoyed to watch them grow together. When people ask if God is really real and why I believe in Jesus Christ, AJ and Lauren are two of the reasons why. To see how God has worked in their lives, to heal them and restore them and to pour His Grace out upon two wonderful people. I have seen God transform them and that was something that made this wedding so very special. I had the privelege of being a part of all of this and I think I'm getting a little misty eyed now (seriously).
The day after the wedding I met that wonderful girl from Ohio.....
The next week brought about my next step in kayaking, the Nantahala River. A trip to North Carolina for a weekend to run the river, and it was a wonderful time. I did really well and my confidence in my paddling ability is growing.
So in August I met Julie and God has blessed us with a growing relationship. I can say with all due respect that I have known, and dated, some incredible women. However, Julie and I have really found something special. She is a warm, fun, caring, adventurous, Godly woman and she continues to impress me more and more. Of all my friends and family that have met her, everyone loves her (I'm becoming concerned that they all like her more than me). I'll say more about her below in my "profound thoughts" sections. But about here is where she really entered into my life and has been my best friend who has shared in almost all my adventures since.
I can't say I remember a lot specifically about September. It was mostly weekend dates with Julie and ya'll don't need to know the details of all of that :)
October brought more adventure. It began with a beginner's backpacking trip to Red River Gorge. Julie and 7 other people joined me for a weekend trip. It turned out to be a spectacular trip with fantastic scenery and a really fun group of people.
The next week came Julie's introduction to the kayaking community with a trip to the Hiwassee River in Tennessee. I paddled my kayak while she paddled an inflatable kayak with a friend. We both did really well and enjoyed the trip a lot. We have gotten much milage out of this photo of Julie and her friend stuck on a rock ledge on the river.
Late October brought about the annual house church fall retreat to Decatur, IN. Originally Julie and I had planned on backpacking on the AT this weekend, but rain in the area we were going to caused us to cancel. We were glad it worked out that we could join house church friends for this wonderful weekend.
The first weekend in November was what originally was going to be AJ's bachelor party. It was going to be in July, but was postponed. Fortunately most of the guys from house church were able to make this trip and we had a really great weekend hiking and rock climbing in Red River Gorge. We stayed at the True North Outfitters for the weekend and just had a great time of manly fellowship.
Our return from the guy's weekend because the first step in a new direction for my house church. We had been growing for a long time and finally reached a point where we were ready to plant a new house church. So our one big group became two new house churches. Things are off to a good start and I'm excited to see what God does in each one.
The next weekend I took off on an adventure I never expected 6 months before. When I left the training school at church the guy leading it invited me on their pilgrimage to Paria Canyon in Utah. We spent 6 days hiking down a canyon in Utah/Arizona that joins the Colorado River at the beginning of the Grand Canyon. There were 9 guys and we had a wonderful time walking together, it was an amazing experience that I hope to do again some day.
December came and we were able to get in an early sledding trip due to snow. Another great time with friends from house church and kayaking.
Christmas was a wonderful experience getting a chance to spend time with Julie's family, my family, and friends.
New Year's Eve was spent low key with Julie and a few friends. The year ended and we didn't even realized it. We were chatting in the living room and heard noise outside. We thought it was hail, but then realized it was fireworks. Then we realized that it was midnight.
Profound thoughts on the year:
I think the one word to describe the year is "adventure". I had so many different, wonderful, experiences that it's hard to sum it all up. What I've written here hits what I had photos for, I know I missed out on so much more that was really important. Just too much happened to remember. But I know that this year was full of a lot of wonderful people in a lot of different places and that I'm left with wonderful memories. I also had a lot of personal growth this year. My finances improved greatly, I've made some good steps in the right direction in taking care of myself (many more needed), and growing in confidence in who God made me to be. I have some low point this year also. I feel like as a leader and a friend to those in my house church I was more absent than I liked. I think that was more of a loss for me than anyone else. I'm thankful and proud of the people in my house church who stepped up to fill those spaces I left empty. Then doing that was important and necessary for our house church to grow as it has and to prepare to become two new house churches. Yet I'm also sad that I missed out on depth in relationships. I also feel that this year my walk with God was not what I wish it was. I know that with everything going on that I didn't spend the time with God that is so important in that relationship with Him.
Looking towards 2008:
I don't know what 2008 will bring. Julie and I continue to grow in our relationship and our love for each other. We are enjoying the journey. We have talked some about the future, but neither of us feel we can claim to know what that will bring. I'm looking forward to more kayaking. We will be visiting my brother in Idaho and plan on a visit to Oregon. We have some vague ideas about things for 2008, but we don't know anything for sure. But I think that's where God wants us right now. Maybe more than anything I'm learning to trust God step by step. 2007 brought a lot of unexpected things, so I'm learning to expect the unexpected. What I do know is that God has blessed me with a lot of incredible people in my life and I want to enjoy them all. I want each person to know God's love for them and hopefully they know that I love them and value their friendship. I'm proud to have an incredible woman by my side and I'm excited about the journey we will share. I'm excited for 2008, even though I have no idea what it will bring. God is good and I trust Him, even if it doesn't look like what I would plan myself.
Dang, that last sentence is going to come back to haunt me, isn't it? Happy New Year!
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